How much experience with women do you have -honestly?
Have you had your share of girlfriends? Maybe even been married before? Would you say that there’s not much about women that surprises you anymore?
If you answered yes, then I want you to try and think back a LOOOONG time ago, back to when you had no CLUE about women.
You know what I’m talking about: the days when you used to watch dirty movies just to get an idea of what it was all about, or the day you discovered your dad’s stash of Victoria’s Secret catalogues.
You figured you were pretty smart until the day you met an actual woman and realized that the camera lens is pretty distorting.
Now, we’ve got two readers here who are STILL stuck at that stage of having no idea what being with a woman is like. They’ve read enough, watched enough, imagined enough, but they’re still single and experience-less.
What advice would YOU offer them? What do you wish you knew THEN that you know NOW?
We all have a duty to pass on tried-and-true wisdom to those guys who are just starting out, because, if you were anything like me, you believed a lot of STUPID things that could have been set right if you just had someone to ask.
So whether you’ve had tons of experience with women or not, check out what I have to say to these two readers, and ask yourself the question: is there anyone I know RIGHT NOW who could benefit from some mentoring in this area?
QUESTION #1:
Hey man, just wanted to say thanks for all the great advice and good work and all that, but hey I was just wondering what advice you’d give to a guy who has never even had a relationship before and has no idea of even where to start.
I’ve like kissed 2 girls in my life and I live in a really old fashioned kind of place where there are no bars or clubs and you can’t even visit a girl at her house without her mom checking up on her every 5 seconds.
I try to learn as much as I can so that I’m ready for the real deal but I don’t think I’m ever going to get to put it all into practice unless I leave this hole and move somewhere else where I’m the new guy and no one knows me. Do you have any advice for me like should I try to meet older women?
MY RESPONSE:
Hey dude, thanks for writing. You know, not having had a relationship before is nothing to be ashamed about. Some guys have their first girlfriend at 8, some at 16, and others at 22. Basically, it happens when it’s right.
But you’re making one big mistake, and that is: you’ve basically GIVEN UP. You’re pinning all your hopes on leaving your hometown. Pinning your hopes on the future is the best way of making sure the present sucks. Personally, I’d rather live my life NOW than wait for some imaginary future utopia.
You should be practicing your seduction skills right here, right now, right under the noses of all those mothers checking up on their daughters.
But to do that, you’ve got to expand what you think of as “seduction.”
Seduction starts way before the first kiss. Seduction is basically a process of making a girl so hot for you that she’ll find ways to sneak out with you behind the bushes if she has to. Where there’s a will, there’s a way.
When you seduce a girl, you can use verbal and non-verbal body language to communicate a strong sexual presence WITHOUT needing to even touch her.
So work on those skills that you can practice right now. Work on building up the confidence to approach and talk to any girl.
Work on building up your conversational skills, like storytelling, humor, and teasing. Work on developing a powerful physical presence. Become that guy that women desire. You don’t need bars or clubs for that.
You’ve got an advantage that most guys don’t, and that is: you’re living in an “old fashioned place” where – correct me if I’m wrong here – the girls are probably CRAVING excitement and a taste of danger!
If there are no bars and clubs, I’m betting that there are a LOT of bored girls sitting around waiting for someone exciting to come along.
That could be you, man.
All it takes is reframing your perspective.
REFRAMING is one of the most powerful mind tools available to us. When you “reframe” something, you put it in a new context that allows you to see advantages and opportunities you never saw before.
For example, for you, your hometown is an old-fashioned “hole” where you can’t score.
But, for someone else, your hometown might be the biggest jackpot of opportunity out there, because
(1) there’s not much competition,
(2) women are gagging for some excitement, and
(3) there’s not much else to distract them.
It’s all in the eye of the beholder, and my advice to you would be to put on new glasses.
QUESTION #2:
I’ve gone through every part of your course and I’m really clear in my head about who I am and what I want, but the thing is that right now I’d just settle for anything because I’m sick and tired of being the “friend.”
I started online dating three months ago, and every single time I liked a girl we ended up being friends.
This isn’t a new thing, because back as far as I can remember I’ve always ended up being friends with the girls I really liked, and the one time I told a girl how I really felt about her she was really nice about it then didn’t write me back.
The upshot is that I’ve never had a girlfriend, which I know is like admitting I’m a midget or some kind of freak. I’m sick and tired of it and I want to change but damned if I know how.
MY RESPONSE:
Thanks for your letter, buddy. That’s great that you’ve gone through the course diligently, because it shows that you’re committed to learning everything you can about women.
A lot of guys just focus on learning ONE thing, because they think that THAT is what’s holding them back, but they don’t realize that all aspects of their life work together as part of one integrated whole.
If, for example, a guy thinks that his problem is running out of things to say – so he completely skips over the section on identity – he’ll totally miss out on the point that someone who’s fully developed their identity will naturally have more interesting things to say!
From your letter, though, I think there’s a pretty obvious pattern going on. Something in the way you’re relating to women automatically pegs you as “friend.”
And it seems to be a pretty immediate thing: if girls you’re meeting for the first time offline are putting you in the “just friends” category, then you’re giving off that vibe from the very beginning.
My suggestion to you would be to:
(1) get over your obsession with being “friends” with
women,
(2) get over your self-judgment, ’cause you’re NOT
a midget or freak, and
(3) start studying what it means to be a MAN.
Here’s what I mean.
1. Get over your obsession with just being
friends.
What I mean here is that obviously you’re saying yes to being friends with all these women!
If a woman tells you, “Let’s just be friends,” tell her, “Thanks, but I’m more interested in meeting a romantic partner at this point in my life than having more friends. Good luck!”
Or, for that matter, just agree and then don’t contact her again. Whatever works for you.
Don’t keep making friends with more and more women. Got me? The reason is that you’re TRAINING YOURSELF to become friends with women.
The more female friends you make, the more you’re going to see yourself as the type of guy who ends up with a dozen female friends but zero female lovers.
I know it’s going to feel weird letting women down when they say, “Let’s just be friends,” but trust me: if they’re saying that, they could really care less whether you stay friends or not.
Don’t clutter up your life with a lot of women who aren’t going to enrich your life much anyway.
2. Get over your self-judgment.
This is a big one, sorry to say. I don’t really care whether you’ve slept with 100 girls, 10 girls, or 0 girls. It shouldn’t matter to you, either. Get over your lack of experience, because that’s messing up your head.
The minute you start judging yourself for some perceived lack is the minute that your shortcomings become a real issue in your life.
Look, some guys out there are majorly short, but because they don’t look down on themselves as “midgets” (Sean Stephenson, anyone?), they don’t find their height to be an issue.
Right now, your lack of experience has become a major issue for you, but YOU’VE made it that way.
Take responsibility, and get over it.
3. Study what it means to be a MAN.
I’ve met a LOT of guys who can’t get past the friends zone with girls. And you know what? 9 out of 10 times, it’s because these guys think the way to get closer to a girl is act more like a girl.
It’s weird, and I don’t really get it, but I suppose for some guys it makes sense. If you don’t have anything to talk about with girls, it makes sense to brush up on your celebrity gossip, recognition of clothing labels, and familiarity with face creams.
But really … is that making yourself into an attractive guy, or is that just making yourself into her best male friend?
Now, I’m not saying that I personally know what the definition of manhood is. It’s something that every guy really develops for himself.
But I’d recommend reading a couple of the really good books out there discussing what being a man is all about. You’ve heard me recommend David Deida’s “The Way of the Superior Man.” Another good one is Steve Biddulph’s “Manhood.”
And take it from me: if you’ve made the commitment and purchased some of my stuff, you’re probably not far off your goal.
Your biggest challenge is going to be breaking the habits that you’ve built up over time and really relaxing into the identity that you’ve developed through my Make Her Crave You course.
And if you haven’t seen what it’s all about,
Click here to discover how to Make Her Crave You