Here’s one of the great paradoxes of attraction: you want a girl to like you, BUT you can’t ask her straight-up to do so.
Once she’s on to the fact that you want something out of her (e.g a date, a one-night stand, etc.) then you’ve already given up all your power and killed the sexual tension.
Getting around this tricky situation is a MAJOR stumbling block for most guys, but it’s not as complicated as it seems. If you’re in the same boat, let me break it down for you.
This is the first thing you need to understand: successfully interacting with women means being good at dealing with human beings in general. In other words, being a “people person” is what it’s all about.
But what does that mean exactly? It really boils down to the ability to trigger POSITIVE emotions in a person. That’s the basic key to getting people – and hot women – to like you.
The problem is that guys try doing this and fail miserably. Check out your local bar to see all the poor schmucks trying to lure the ladies with a margarita or making some bland observation of how beautiful they are.
The problem with this approach is that it’s rooted in neediness, i.e. wanting SOMETHING in exchange for being a “nice guy”.
If you come in from this angle, I can assure you that women will smell it a mile away.
Let me propose another way of approaching women that doesn’t make you look like a pathetic sap: be there to simply enjoy her company, whether or not she turns you down.
Guys who might look like jerks to other men are successful with women because to some extent, they’re not so heavily invested in the outcome of a conversation.
They’re just there to have FUN with a girl, regardless of her “final verdict”. And the funny thing is that this works in their favor because his goal isn’t to sleep with her right there and then (although that would be a nice bonus somewhere down the line).
In the end, the “jerk” gets the girl because she can’t get enough of the fun she’s having with him. Remember, “FUN” is the operative word here since it equates to positive emotions.
Ultimately, giving people this natural high is your sure-fire ticket to social acceptance.
While it’s better to be spontaneous instead of using a rehearsed script (you’ll look weird trying to recite a bunch of contrived lines), it’s also important to have this guiding principle in mind.
Case in point: DON’T come up to a girl and simply tell her how hot she is, then proceed to offer her favorite alcoholic beverage. This won’t magically make the conversation better.
Like I said, you’re not going to win points by expecting her to like you in exchange for giving her an ego boost or material gratification. Sure, the first step is working up the nerve to walk up to her, but you don’t get a medal for that.
As the paradox dictates, the more you want something from a person, the more they won’t give it to you.
Use your head and base the conversation on something other than begging for her affections. And that “something” would be a mental challenge.
Don’t be afraid to poke a little wholesome fun at a woman. A little verbal play can’t hurt your chances; in fact, she’s more likely to like you by winding her up in a good-spirited way.
That means you can joke around with a woman, provided you don’t talk about any part of her body or degrade her in any way. Other than that, you’ll be fine.
However, learning to have fun with women may not be that easy for some guys. When a man is too dependent on a girl’s opinion just to feel good about himself, that makes it hard to approach women just for the pleasure of a conversation.
This is where neediness comes from: treating people as a source of validation and self-worth. Obviously, women tend to stay away from guys who behave like this.
Look at it this way: you wouldn’t want to be friends with someone who only approached you just because you were filthy rich and wanted something out of you.
You’d know they have another agenda going on and don’t really see you as someone they genuinely want to be friends with. If money is all they’re after, you’d probably tell them to stop sucking up to you and get a job.
In the same way, you can’t expect women to make up for something lacking in your life. If you feel that something’s missing, then you can take control of your life by making it more fulfilling.
Get out there, enjoy life and live it to the fullest. You’re not going to suddenly transform into a social wizard by just learning a bunch of cheesy pick-up lines to use on women.
It all starts with enriching yourself so that you become a well-rounded guy. When you do this, your social circle will naturally expand, and so will your confidence level around people.
Eventually, you’ll be a LOT less needy around women. That’s because your life – regardless of your relationship status – is enough to feel good about yourself from WITHIN.
And like they say, you can’t give what you don’t have!