“If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends”.
Now I know you probably don’t listen to the Spice Girls. But you’ve heard of them… right?
You might even remember this line. Because it’s kinda catchy. At first glance it might even seem like the Spice Girls were talking about wanting a man who would be down for some group fun with their girlfriends.
Sorry, but nothing this R-rated. Still VERY important though!
What the Spice Girls were saying is: If you want to have a chance with me, my friends gotta like you. And speaking as a lady, ain’t that the truth.
The lowdown on female friendships
You may not realise just how powerful a close friendship between two women is.
A woman’s friends can have a MASSIVE influence on her decision-making and how she feels about something.
They’ve known her for years, they’ve been with her through multiple successes and failures, and they understand what she needs.
The emotional connection between your girlfriend and her friends is very strong, and having any of their disapproval can be a heavy weight on her shoulders.
Those friends have worked their way into your girlfriend’s conscience over the years, and it’s going to be damn hard for her to get their voices out of her head if she feels they disagree with something.
So what I’m trying to say is impressing your girlfriend was only the first part. The key to truly hooking her is to win over her friends.
Why her friends seal of approval means so much – to her, and to your relationship
As her boyfriend, it’s essential to acknowledge the importance of her friends in her life, and make time for them.
If you don’t make an effort with her friends, this is probably going to start affecting your relationship. Because if she starts spending all of her time with you and none with them, and you keep making up excuses for not joining her at their social events, they are going to notice.
And she is going to start hearing about it.
And then she’s going to be under a lot of pressure trying to divide up her loyalties, and will start feeling guilty when she’s with you – which will only be detrimental to your relationship.
Believe me. I’ve been there.
Her friends may not be your first pick of people to hang out with. That’s not the point. You have your own mates for that.
Remember, relationships always require a bit of give-and-take. Occasionally, you might need to give up something you’d rather be doing to go along to an event of her friends’. And hey, you might even really enjoy yourself.
If her friends know that you’re a great guy who’s looking after their girl, and who respects the importance of her friends in her life, then they will feel a lot more at ease about her spending time with you.
But they’re scarier than a pack of lionesses…
Ok. I know her friends can seem intimidating. Especially when they seem to be grilling you with questions.
But don’t feel like getting on their side is an impossible achievement. They really are just nice girls who are acting a little protective over their friend right now.
Sure, they probably are going to talk about you later.
It sounds scary, but honestly, the biggest thing they are going to be basing their judgment on is how well you seem to care about and treat their friend.
They are not going to be rating you on every aspect of yourself like on an ‘eligible bachelor show’.
Of course, they will want to have felt that you were polite and made an effort to be friendly with them. But let me get this straight: her friends won’t disapprove just for the hell of it.
They actually do want their friend to be happy and in a relationship.
So as long as she is happy, you have nothing to worry about.
Please, please don’t feel like you need to have a lot in common with the friend group to fit in.
There are many of my friends boyfriends who aren’t the type I’d go for myself, but I really like and respect them because I can see how much they care about my friend and how much she lights up when they’re around. Plus, they are all interesting in their own ways and their personalities add a lot of character to the group.
So really, all you need to do to win over her friends is just put yourself out there, make an effort to be friendly with them, and show how much you care about your girl.
But if you’re still feeling a little nervous at this point, don’t worry. I will give you a step-by-step guide on how to get right in with her friends the first time you meet them.
Taming the lionesses into pussycats
1. The first way to lower those haunches is to smile when you’re being introduced. Look each one in the eye and give a simple greeting, whether it be “hey” or “nice to meet you”. As you’re introduced, try your best to remember their names so that you can use them in future.
2. The next step is doing your best to be an active part of the conversation – listening, asking questions, answering questions, and acting interested. It might feel scary to begin with, especially if the spotlight is on you, but this will definitely get easier once the conversation is flowing!
3. Make sure while you are doing this that you are paying attention to ALL of her friends, not focusing on one in particular. You don’t want to look like you’re eyeing any of them up and end up being labelled as a creep.
4. Compliment and show care and respect for the woman you are seeing. This will be a massive signal to her friends that you are a keeper. Just try not to go over the top and express your undying love.
5. Don’t feel you have to be the center of attention and making input the whole time, just go with the flow of the conversation.
6. Be yourself, and use a bit of humor if you can. This will lighten the mood and instantly make an ‘interrogation’ feel more like friendly conversation.
7. Make a habit of always bringing something to share when you’re invited around to your girlfriends place, or to a party of her friends. Even if it’s just chips’n’dip or a bottle of wine, this will say a whole lot more to her friends; that you are thoughtful, generous and organised.
8. Lastly, make an effort to ask your girlfriend about her friends occasionally in conversation – not just when you are out with the group. This will show her that you do actually care and are making an effort.
Brooke Ryan
Author
MeetYourSweet.com