As a relationship consultant, one common confession I hear from women is:
“I wish my man would be more romantic”.
They explain that their man is just not interested in ‘silly romance’, and that he seems to take the relationship for granted.
But the interesting thing is, usually when I interview the male partners of these women, I hear:
“I really want to be more romantic and show her I love her – I just don’t know what to do. I’m scared of screwing it up”.
This tells me that, unlike what their partners think, these men really DO want to be romantic and make their partners feel loved. They just need a few pointers on how to get there.
If you are in this boat, and would like to know how to romance your lady, this article is for you.
Perhaps you’ve made it through the first couple of dates with a girl, and want to know how to make her really fall for you. Or perhaps you’re already in a relationship and want to spice things up and re-create some of those passionate feelings that were there when you first got together.
The thing I have to tell you now is: romance isn’t hard. And it doesn’t have to involve a lot of effort, time, or money either.
Disagree? Continue reading and I guarantee you will come out at the end as a master of romance.
What actually is romance?
Look up the definition of ‘romance’ on Google and you will find ‘a feeling of excitement and mystery associated with love’.So the key elements here are love, excitement, and mystery.
But what you may not realise is that you don’t HAVE to make a massive gesture like whisking her away to a tropical getaway to create an atmosphere of excitement and surprise.
In fact, there are probably many ways in which you are already demonstrating romance, but could perhaps do these a little more purposefully and regularly.
What women REALLY want when it comes to romance
Because what women mean when they say they want their men to be more romantic is that they want to see more regular signs of their partners’ LOVE, CARE and AFFECTION.
Romantic gestures are simply displays of love – putting your love into action. Romance reassures her that you love her, are thinking of her, and value her for more than just sex (to put it bluntly).
The more personal the romantic gesture is, the more this tells her that you love her for who she truly is, and the closer she feels to you. And the more surprising and spontaneous your romantic gestures are, the more they will make their mark.
Romantic gestures can literally trigger the release of pleasurable chemicals in a woman’s brain (which are linked to love and sex). Which leads to no surprise that couples experience some of their steamiest, most passionate nights in the bedroom after having a romantic night out.
Read these tips to discover how YOU can become Mr Romantic:
1. Remember the small things
You might feel like you have no idea where to start when it comes to romance.
But what you probably don’t realise is that all you have to do is start paying attention to your date or your girlfriend, because she is actually giving you little clues on how to romance her all the time.
These are all of the foods, places, activities and things she mentions she loves every day. E.g. How she was talking about that new movie she really wants to see. How she mentioned how much she loves Mexican when you drove past that Mexican restaurant. How caramel chocolate is the best kind of chocolate. How she hasn’t been camping in ages.
Try noting things down on a memo in your phone, so you can remember them later.
Doing this one simple thing can bring your girl so much joy! She will feel so listened to and cared for. Take note of the little things she likes, and randomly surprise her with it a while later. She will be amazed that you actually picked up on and remembered these things.
Let me give you a real-life example. One of my friends was recently blown away by what was actually a very simple and inexpensive romantic gesture from her boyfriend.
All her boyfriend did was stop off at Starbucks one morning on his way to her place, order her a coffee exactly how she likes it, and give it to her when he arrived (all without being asked).
Sounds like not much, right?
But my friend was blown away because not only had her boyfriend surprised her, he had actually remembered (without being reminded) how she likes her coffee (soy cappuccino with a shot of caramel) – which made her feel incredibly loved. So for just $7 and 5 minutes of his time, he made her whole weekend. Doesn’t sound so hard, right?
2. Surprise her with her favorite food
We all love being surprised by a food we love. They say that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach, but this may not be too inaccurate for women either.
If she loves chocolate, drop a chocolate bar in her handbag before she goes to work with a note telling her to have a great day. Buy the cookies or cereal she loves when you’re at the supermarket.
Have her favorite meal cooking when she gets home from work. Or spontaneously take her out to her favorite restaurant.
Whichever you choose, you can guarantee this will make her feel all gooey and sweet inside.
3. Be spontaneously affectionate
Us women love affection! Especially if we are taken by surprise by our man.
Say, for example, when you wrap your arms around her from behind when she is cooking dinner. Or when you hold her hand when you are out walking.
Make sure that you do these little things to show your affection outside of the bedroom as well is inside, to really make her feel valued.
And remember, more intimacy outside of the bedroom is only going to lead to a lot more intimacy INSIDE the bedroom.
4. Call her by cute nicknames
What do you call your girlfriend? Do you just use her name, or a generic ‘honey’ or ‘babe’?
Why not try a new nickname or term of endearment that is more personal to both of you? Perhaps it might be something from a personal joke between you.
Try one out, and make sure she enjoys it before you start to use it regularly. A great nickname should make her smile when she hears it. Just make sure it’s not something she’d be offended by!
Remember, at the very least, every woman loves being called things like ‘beautiful’, ‘sexy’ and ‘gorgeous’ by their man.
5. Send her a romantic text or email
A very simple way to make your girlfriend’s day is simply to send her a really nice text or email during the day when she is at work.
To start with, try greeting her with one of those cute nicknames we talked about above.
What you say in the message is up to you, but it could be something such as wishing her a great day or good luck with what she is doing, telling her you miss her or are thinking of her, that you can’t wait to get her alone tonight, how beautiful she is, or simply just send a text saying ‘I love you’.
I can guarantee that these messages do really make a woman’s day. Especially when they are spontaneous and not over-frequent.
6. Do a job for her without being asked
This one speaks for itself.
Doing a job for your girl, especially if it is something she struggles to do herself, may not seem romantic but it really can mean just as much as a bouquet of roses.
For example, fixing her car, or sorting out that problem with the sink.
Actions speak volumes, and she will feel like she has landed herself a true hero if she comes home and you have washed all of those high windows that she couldn’t reach.
7. Take her to her special place
Take note of all of the special places she likes.
Perhaps she really loves the beach, going to the park, or another place that has a special childhood memory.
If you can spontaneously take her on a walk or a drive to one of these places, it will mean so much to her.
Why not pack a picnic (in secret), and then surprise her with this when you get to the place she loves?
Sometimes all it takes to be free from the stresses of everyday life is getting to go outside of the city to somewhere peaceful and surrounded by nature.
8. Become a poet of love
No, I don’t mean actually writing love poems for her.
But what I DO mean is learning to speak the language of love in your conversations with your girlfriend.
Remember, she’s always needing to be reassured that not only do you love her, but you also don’t want anyone else.
You can easily give her subtle reassurance that she is yours by slipping meaningful words such as ‘my’ into your greetings to make them 100x more special. For example, “Hello my beautiful lady” compared to “Hello beautiful”.
Other key ‘love phrases’ include:“I love you” (of course),“I love your…”, “I love the way you…”,“I’m yours”,“You’re mine”, “I want you”… you get the gist.
There is nothing more romantic to a woman than hearing ‘I love you’ out of the blue from her man, as he looks into her eyes.
It’s cheesy, I know. But seriously guys, it works!
9. Give gifts from the heart
I’m sure you know of the traditional romantic gifts that most women love… flowers, jewellery, perfume, chocolates, and big cuddly teddy bears.
And these gifts are really sweet, especially on occasions such as Valentine’s Day.
But if this just really isn’t you, you CAN give gifts that are less cheesy and generic, but are even more personal, special and meaningful to your girlfriend.
Again, the art of giving the right gift often comes down to taking note of those little things she likes, and making an effort to stow these ideas away until it comes time for a birthday or Christmas present.
And remember you can also give EXPERIENCES as gifts, for example a trip away, a day at the hot pools, concert tickets, a ‘couples activity’ such as a scenic kayak tour, or even a massage.
Or there are homemade gifts, which are also really special. Perhaps you’re into woodwork, or some other craft. Is there something you could carve or build for her? Get creative!
Gifts don’t have to cost the earth to be meaningful – it really is the effort and thought that goes into them that counts.
10. Compliment her
Compliments, especially when they come from the heart, are one of the most subtle but moving romantic gestures you can make.
Again, the more personal these are, the more they reflect that you truly love her for who she is.
And of course, don’t forget to stop complimenting her on her appearance, especially when she’s made a special effort. Because when she dresses up it’s YOU she’s really trying to impress.
Don’t feel that you have to be complimenting her 24/7 though – less is more, as long as the compliments you do give are really genuine.
Final Note:
And there you have it – all of the key pointers you need to add a little more romance to your game.
Of course, when it comes to something special like a marriage proposal, birthday, or anniversary, you may want to amp things up a few gears. All you need to do to pull this off is to combine a few of these pointers into one (and of course make sure it is all a complete surprise).
For example, you could take her to her most special place (or at least somewhere really romantic, like a hill with beautiful views), surprise her with her favorite food (in the form of a picnic or candlelit dinner), speak words from the heart, and present her with a beautiful gift (or ring!).
I hope that this has helped to make the art of romance easy, and has inspired you with ideas of romancing the special woman in your life.
Brooke Ryan
Author,
MeetYourSweet.com