It’s awesome when you finally work up the courage to ask that cute girl out and she says yes. You’ve scored a hot date!
But we all know the hard part doesn’t end there…
In fact, the thought of your first date with a woman you really like can be more nerve-wracking than actually asking her out – especially if you’re feeling ‘out-of-practice’ in the dating game.
Why? Because you want to impress her. And to impress her, you need to be able to make great CONVERSATION.
Because being able to make engaging conversation is an asset which will be a serious TURN-ON for any woman.
Are YOU worried about what to say to women when on a date? Most men agree that this is the most daunting part about dating.
If this is you, don’t let this fear put you off – you have all the tools at hand.
All you need to do is follow these 7 essential steps and you will be able to make conversation which will soon have the sparks flying between you and your date:
1. Do your background research.
Making great conversation is a lot about coming prepared. Try and find out a little more about your date before you go out together.
Do this subtly, through avenues such as Facebook or your mutual friends.
Do you have any mutual interests? If you know of anything you and your date are both interested in, this can be a great way to start up the conversation.
For instance, perhaps you both have a dog. You could make a note to ask her about how long she’s had her dog and where she likes taking it for a walk.
As your conversation progresses, you may also discover more things you have in common and can continue talking about.
2. Ask questions.
Questions are a great way to begin the conversation, or to keep it moving. If you’re really nervous, try writing down some questions to ask before you go on the date.
For example, “What kind of music do you like?” “What do you usually get up to in your spare time?” “Have you seen any good movies lately?” “Have you done much travelling?”
For extra points, ask a question about something she has talking to you about previously.
For instance, if the last time you saw each other she told you her car was having problems, ask her how her car has been going lately.
3. Keep the conversation fresh.
If the conversation gets stale, you want to introduce a new topic or head down a more exciting path.
Sometimes this can happen naturally, by choosing to narrow the focus in a discussion you’re having.
For example, your date might say “I have a big family, but we’re all spread out. My sister lives nearby but one of my brothers lives in England and the other lives in Australia.”
To this, there are several things you could reply. You could comment about how spread out her family is, ask about why her bothers moved overseas, talk about the countries her brothers moved to (England or Australia), or compare her family to your own family.
And if one of these conversation threads burns out, you could go back and ask about one of the other topics.
Or you can start with something totally new. For instance, something exciting that is happening in your town at the moment or a big news topic. You don’t always need to be talking about something personal.
Lastly, don’t be afraid of the odd pause in conversation. Use these pauses to make deep eye contact with your date and give her a sexy smile.
4. Be up-front about who you are.
While we always want to present ourselves in the best possible light to our dates, it is important to be who you really are, rather than try to make out that you’re anyone you’re not.
Women tend to pick up on it pretty fast when a guy is being a phony, and as you get to know each other better you can be pretty certain that she’ll find out anything that isn’t true about you anyway.
For example, if you tell her you play in a much higher-level basketball team than you actually do, and then she asks if she can come watch you play sometime, you could get busted very quickly.
And at this point, your date has no reason to trust anything you’ve said. Remember that if this girl is right for you, she will like you exactly as you are.
It’s also really important to not be critical about yourself. For instance, don’t start telling her your insecurities about being out of shape or not having a good enough job.
Being self-critical is an extreme turnoff. You should be proud of who you are, and if your date has a problem with any aspect of you then she probably isn’t worth dating.
5. Take turns in being the focus of conversation.
Once you are deep in conversation with your date, try to make sure the focus of the conversation is continuously shifting between you and her.
If you talk too much about yourself, you will risk coming across as arrogant. But if you keep trying to shift the focus back to your date, you risk coming across as weak and insecure.
A great way to make sure the conversation is a two-way street is to always ask her the same question back if she asks you something. For example, “I play a bit of football and social squash. Do you play any sports?”
6. Be a gentleman.
On a first date, you want to show yourself at your classy best (remember it is all about first impressions).
This means using your table manners and showing her the great guy you are.
Wait for your turn to speak in conversation, rather than talking over her. And avoid using offensive language or voicing any un-PC thoughts at home – these kind of things can really ruin a good first impression.
Lastly, being polite also means to avoid criticizing anything she says or does (even if you disagree with it).
Your date is going to be feeling nervous too and if she feels that you’re judging her, this will scare her away pretty fast.
7. Keep it light and flirty.
A first date should be fun. Try to keep the atmosphere light, funny and easygoing – you don’t need to get into anything serious right now.
So don’t feel that you should go into the problems you are having at work or the fight you recently had with your brother when she asks how you are. Now is not the time.
Avoid any other ‘touchy subjects’ that might be awkward for either of you. This means talking about past relationships or about where your relationship is going is a no-go zone – the first date is WAYYY too early for this discussion.
Instead, joke around, tease a little, and tell her funny stories if anything comes to mind during the conversation. If you are making her laugh, you are winning!
Don’t be afraid to drop in a few compliments along the way, just try to keep these subtle and avoid giving too many (as you may come across as ‘too keen’).
And remember that if your date likes you, she will most likely compliment you back in some way. So look out for her signals.
The more she is enjoying your conversation, the more attracted to you she will become.
So go for it – you have nothing to lose. Simply follow these steps and you will have no problems at all in talking to the woman of your desires.
If you would like any further advice on how to create irresistible attraction in your conversations with women, check out this short video:
http://www.meetysweet.com/conversationchemistry/men/
Brooke Ryan
Author,
MeetYourSweet.com