Have you struck out with a lot of woman you’ve approached lately?
Are you wondering why your conversations never seem to go the way you want them to? And why some guys who are in the same ‘league’ as yourself seem to ALWAYS get the girls?
If you’re in this position, chances are that without even realizing it, you are giving out the wrong vibes. Vibes that say you are DESPERATE and NEEDY.
The biggest roadblock to you attracting women you want is giving out the vibe that you NEED to meet someone. That your life isn’t COMPLETE without a woman by your side.
A girl wants to see that a guy she is dating is happy with his life. She wants to know that he has a rewarding job, hobbies he enjoys and good relationships with his friends and family.
Hearing that a guy is unhappy with his life, has barely any outside interests and is incredibly lonely might make a woman feel sympathetic – but it will also instantly turn off her attraction for him.
Rather than being a guy who can take care of HER, hearing this would give a girl the impression that she would be going into the relationship to try and ‘fix’ YOUR life.
It’s awesome to want to meet a great woman and enter a fulfilling relationship. And no doubt, you could make a great partner for someone. But in order to get the woman you want, you have to learn how to avoid giving off the ‘needy’ vibes that are blocking your path.
How to avoid looking desperate:
1. Change your mindset
Desperate people make decisions not out of what they truly WANT, but out of fear. For instance, fear of being alone, fear of never finding the right person and fear of not being accepted for who they are.
When dating, these fears can urge you to rush things and go for women who aren’t really right for you.
And when you go for women who aren’t your equals or who don’t treat you well enough, you are sending a message to yourself that you are worth LESS than what you actually are. In the same way, you risk damaging your positive image of yourself in the eyes of others.
So to stop this from happening in your life, you need to end the pattern of inaccurate, negative beliefs about yourself that are holding you back.
First out all, you need to get out of this mindset that you need a woman to be happy. Stop going into social situations with the thought of a future relationship in your head. This will prevent you connecting with women and allowing them to see the real you.
A relationship is not the answer to all of life’s problems, and it is not the end of the world if a woman turns you down. Everybody has different tastes and personalities, and it’s impossible for everyone to like you.
Even the hottest celebrities have experienced rejection at some points in their love lives. So if a woman doesn’t like you back, don’t take it personally.
You need to re-train your brain to truly BELIEVE in all the great things to offer, and that there are plenty of women out there who could be perfect for you (because it’s true). Chances are, you’ve fallen into the trap of only paying attention to what you think of as your ‘flaws’.
A good way to break out of this cycle is to take a break from dating and focus your attention exclusively on the things you’re confident about and good at doing. And spend time with the people you enjoy being around and make you feel good about yourself.
If you take some time out to focus on yourself and improving your life, you will find that attracting women comes a lot more naturally when you do go back to dating. Because you will be giving off so many positive vibes!
2. Make positive steps towards improving your life
If you genuinely are unhappy with aspects of your life or your appearance, start making steps towards change.
Perhaps you are really unhappy with your job or living situation. What are your viable alternatives? There are always other options out there. If a job is making you feel depressed, it isn’t the one for you.
It is important to learn to accept and love your body for the way it is. But if you’re unhappy with any aspects of your appearance that you do have the ability to improve, such as your health and fitness, make a plan to start working on this as well.
What aspects of your appearance could you improve so you appear more attractive to others? For instance, even a good haircut, a shave and a few new additions to your wardrobe can have a dramatic effect.
Remember, when we look after ourselves and put effort into our appearance, we feel good.
3. Relax and try to have a genuinely good time in social situations
Women are attracted to guys who seem happy and comfortable in their own skin. Because these guys are giving out great vibes which make those around them feel good too.
So if you’re at a party, dinner, or other social occasion, join in to what is going on and make it your goal to have a great time, regardless of whether you meet any women.
Note: this does NOT mean throwing back the drinks to try and show you are having a good time. There is nothing that will be more of a turn-off than being the sloppy drunk guy who is hitting on everyone. So keep drinking to a minimum.
Rather than trying to talk to a woman you are interested in straight away, talk to others there who you feel more comfortable with. And if there’s a game, challenge, or group conversation going on, join in.
Hanging out in the group can be a great thing, as it may make it easier to strike up a conversation casually with a woman while you are in the group together.
Be careful not to stare at the woman you like if she is across the room – it might make her feel awkward. Look across occasionally, but if she makes eye contact just smile and casually turn back to what you’re doing.
4. Learn to project confidence in your approach
Often, you can make or break your chances with a woman simply with the way you approach her. It really is all about those vibes!
It’s okay to be a little shy, but if you can mentally prepare yourself to stand up tall, make eye contact with the woman you like and approach with a smile, you will be halfway there.
Unfortunately, approaching someone you like with confidence is easier said than done. But a great trick which you will find will really make a different in your success with women is actually visualizing your approach before you go ahead and do it.
Mentally picturing yourself interacting with a potential date is a great way to muster up some courage and confidence. Imaging yourself walking over to her with confidence and successfully engaging her in conversation may even help to improve your posture, your voice tone and your footing!
However, on the flipside, if you approach a woman you like thinking “she is way out of my league, but I will give it a shot,” it will be sure to come out in your conversation.
So before you ever approach a woman, make sure you imagine how well it could go first. Even imagine the greetings you might use or the lines you might say. You have nothing to lose!
5. Be honest about who you are
When you are talking to a woman, don’t lie and make up stuff about yourself to try and impress her. You want her to like you for who you truly are and in order for her to be able to do this, she has to see the real you.
So don’t lie about a job, sports feat, or pretend to be someone you are not. Women tend to have a pretty good internal lie-detector and if they sense you are lying, this will definitely make them think you are trying too hard.
Be proud of what you do and what you’re into.
6. Don’t try too hard
If you look like you are doing a lot to get women to notice you, you will seem desperate.
Always dress for the situation – if you go to something overdressed OR underdressed, you will just end up feeling awkward and uncomfortable. If you don’t know the dress code for a certain event, ask someone for advice.
And if a woman clearly doesn’t like you, stop trying and turn your attention to someone else. For instance, if she doesn’t reply to your messages, brushes off your attempts to initiate conversation and never seems to want to meet up.
She’s not worth spending any more time chasing, and acting desperate is not going to help your chances.
7. Learn to leave conversations on a high
One of the most valuable tips I can give you for avoiding looking desperate to woman is to learn to leave your conversations on a high.
Take this for example.
You’ve been talking to or texting a girl you’re interested in for about half an hour now, and everything’s going great. In all honesty, you would like to keep talking to her all night.
But get this: this is the point where you should find a way to take a break from the conversation. If you’re at a party, go refresh your drink or talk to someone else you know. If you’re texting, say you have to go to do something now and will talk again soon.
Leaving the conversation when it is exciting and flowing along well, rather than when it is becoming awkward and boring, will leave her wanting more. And don’t worry – it will not deter your chances with her in any way. In fact, it will actually INCREASE her desire for you.
She’ll see that you have other people to talk to and have enough confidence to leave the conversation without fearing that you’ve lost your chance with her. And if you’re not always available to keep texting, she’ll see that you have a life.
After a while, you’ll circle back around at the party and can pick up with your girl where you left off. Or you’ll text her again the next day. But you can be sure that after having had such a riveting conversation earlier, she will have been eagerly awaiting the next chance to talk to you.
8. Cool your contact
In this day and age, contact methods such as texting, Facebook and other social media sites are commonly used to make dating plans and get in touch with the women you like.
But there are a few guidelines to follow when it comes to avoiding looking desperate when contacting a woman through these avenues.
Firstly, don’t always be the one to contact her first. If she knows to always expect a text or call from you, she will start taking it for granted and will put in less effort herself.
But if you sometimes wait for her to initiate contact with you, you are making her work for your attention, which will increase her desire for you. So if she hasn’t replied to you, leave it at that and don’t text again. If she is interested, she will reply when she can.
Secondly, don’t always make yourself available for her. That is, don’t bend and change your plans to suit her whenever you are making plans to meet up.
If she wants to do something on a certain day and you already have plans, stick to your schedule and offer to meet up on an alternative day.
Thirdly, don’t go home and add her on Facebook or any other social media site the very same day you meet – wait until at least the next day (unless she has asked you to add her). Otherwise you could run the risk of looking like a creepy stalker.
And once you are ‘friends’, don’t start commenting on and ‘liking’ everything on her page – again, this makes you seem too keen. You can like the odd status update when appropriate, but don’t go overboard.
9. Never make references to your single status!
Do not make references, complaints, or jokes about your single status while talking to a woman you like.
This is an ultimate turn-off – it just gives the message that she’s your only option, or you’re just settling for whatever you can get.
A girl does not want to feel like you’ve settled. She wants to feel that you’ve especially CHOSEN her from the giant pool of women out there (regardless of whether or not the rest are actually available to you).
Brooke Ryan
Author,
MeetYourSweet.com