Slade,
I seem to be having a problem with women. I’m a pretty good looking guy – 25, tall, fit – so I know it’s not my looks that are getting in the way here.
I am always being told by my female friends that I am a “genuinely nice guy” who any woman would be “crazy” not to want to date.
Thing is, I’ve TRIED asking some of these female friends to date me – that’s right, the very ones who tell me how great I am – and none of them ever want to.
They give me reasons like, “Our friendship is too valuable to risk with a sexual relationship,” or tell me that they’re not ready for a relationship yet.
Slade, I don’t get it. Are they just being women and lying to me about this stuff because they want to let me down easy? Or are they telling the truth, and I’m just driving myself crazy double-guessing everything here?
Seriously confused and majorly frustrated – and looking forward to getting some light shed on the situation here.
-Adam
***** MY RESPONSE *****
Okay, Adam.
Your female friends have been telling you that you’re a really “nice guy” and that any woman who doesn’t want to hop into the sack with you is crazy.
Then, when THEIR opportunity comes, they look the other way.
According to their own definition, this makes them “crazy.”
ARE they?
It’s a good question. And believe me, I totally get where you’re coming from here. When I think of some of the “female code” that I’ve had to figure out over the years… it used to do my head in.
I went through YEARS of being told EXACTLY what you have been … before I “wizened up” and got clued in to how women’s brains work.
Do they think you’re a nice guy? Yes.
Do they genuinely think that any woman would be crazy to pass up an opportunity to be your girl? Yes.
… but here’s the catch.
They think you’re a great potential boyfriend for some woman… as long as the woman in question isn’t THEM.
Basically, women are quite capable of being what men would call “hypocrites.” They don’t MEAN to be. It’s just how their brains work.
For example, in the case of your female friends, they can all see that, LOGICALLY, you’re a catch. As you say, you’re young, fit, and good-looking. Women clearly like you, or you wouldn’t have female friends in the first place.
BUT as you probably already know, attraction isn’t about logic.
Attraction is a gut-level instinctive REACTION that you either HAVE or you DON’T. And if you’re not MAKING women feel that way about you, then no amount of REASONING and LOGIC in the world is going to get them to change the way that they feel.
So: yeah, they honestly think that, LOGICALLY, you should have women swarming all over you.
The reason that THEY aren’t?
Because you’re not MAKING them feel attracted to you. You’re relying on LOGIC to do your dirty work. And that’s something you should never do, because all it’ll get you is a pile of reasonable conclusions … but no woman.
It’s not because they don’t want to risk your friendship, or because they’re not ready for a relationship. If they were seriously attracted to you, NOTHING would stop them from leaping at an opportunity to get to know you “in that way”.
I’m going to break down one of the most basic, elementary facts about women for you here.
As far as most women go, there are 3 basic “types” of guy.
Category A. The “nice guy” – as in, “He’s lovely and I’m sure he’ll make some OTHER woman very happy some day.”
Category B. The “attractive guy” – as in, “Wow, this guy’s really cool, I bet he could make ME really happy RIGHT NOW.”
Category C. The “stay away from him guy” – as in, “This guy is a creep and/or a player, stay the hell away from him.”
I’ll go more into the details of each category in a second, but for now, I just want to get one thing clear.
It doesn’t take much time for you to be categorized.
Women will slot you into these “types” within the first 5 MINUTES of meeting you. And that’s if you’re LUCKY – experts in the field of social psychology tell us that most people actually pigeonhole new acquaintances within the first 5 SECONDS of meeting them.
And 5 seconds ain’t long.
So you’ve got to work fast. Either you get option B: “attractive guy”, or you’re sunk. Because once you’ve been categorized, it’s damn near impossible to get UN-categorized.
At the moment, Adam, you are Category A. You make women feel NICE about themselves.
They probably feel like they can tell you all their secrets, that you’re a safe, “comfortable” person for them to hang out with, get drunk with, and cry about their nasty ex-boyfriends with.
I’m sure they genuinely value your company.
Would they want to get naked with you?
No way.
Would they want to fall in love with you and have your babies and live happily ever after?
Nope, struck out there, too.
As you’ll already know by now, if a woman isn’t lusting after you, there isn’t a CHANCE that she’ll want to have a relationship with you. To create a long-term connection, you MUST have ATTRACTION.
So it doesn’t matter what your end goal is. Whether you’re looking for long-term love OR a one-night knee-trembler, you’re screwed either way if you’re category A.
If you want to get yourself into category B (ding-ding-ding!) you need to know how to relate to women in a way that triggers their internal attraction switch. There are certain patterns of behavior, body language, and modes of speech that have been PROVEN to do this.
I’ll give you a short run-down of a Category B guy right now, to give you a basic idea of what you should be aiming for.
A Category B guy is the kind of guy that MAKES women want him. He makes them laugh. He teases women relentlessly, but charms them at the same time.
He lets them know he’s attracted to them, but only HINTS at it, enough to get them excited and wanting more. He never gives the game away too early on and is ALWAYS in complete control.
He is the kind of guy that women ASK to give their numbers to. Other guys get confused about where his success is coming from, because he’s not necessarily good-looking, young, fit, or rich.
The secrets to his ongoing success with women: he does three ESSENTIAL things. These are:
– Makes women laugh.
– Introduces romance into the scenario early on, but NEVER in a cheesy way.
– Conveys high social status.
If you want women to be attracted to you, you HAVE to do ALL THREE of these things. Otherwise, you’ll go to one of the two default positions: Category A (nice guy) or Category C (jerk.)
For your information, a Category C is the kind of guy who is totally wrapped up in himself and his own “game.” Words commonly used by women to describe a category C guy include “loser,””creep,” and “player”.
Usually, he THINKS he’s the kind of guy that women love. This misapprehension is what causes him to persist where his attentions are not wanted.
He’s the kind of guy who lurks around singles bars, offering to buy women drinks and then hanging around them ALLLLLLL NIGHT in the hopes of getting “lucky.” He’s the kind of guy who hits on a girl, and then when that doesn’t pan out, turns his attentions to each of the girls in her group in turn.
He uses creepy come-on lines (“Did heaven lose an angel tonight? Because I see one right here in front of me!”) and ogles women’s bodies when he THINKS they’re not looking.
He doesn’t realize that (1) women can SENSE when a guy’s staring at their chest/butt/legs …. and (2) if you DO get busted (which you almost certainly will) then your chances with said woman instantly become an absolute ZERO.
In short, category C’s are completely clueless. Take it from me, you do NOT want to be this guy.
What you have to do is get yourself the hard word on how to talk and act around women in order for them to AUTOMATICALLY categorize you as a category B guy. This is the most effective and reliable way to developing the kind of no-fail success formula with women that’ll NEVER let you down.
Once you become this guy, you will literally not BELIEVE the difference it will make to your success with women. When you’ve learned to flip that subconscious “attraction switch,” YOU WILL NEVER AGAIN HAVE PROBLEMS WITH WOMEN.
They will FIGHT for your attention. Seriously.
I recommend that you start figuring this out for yourself, starting right now. The sooner you get on to it, the less opportunities you’ll waste … and you’ll have a hell of a lot of fun at the same time.
Most of the information on women, how they think, and how to get INSTANT SUCCESS with them, comes at a premium of EFFORT and EMBARRASSMENT.
In short, to figure it out for yourself is usually both time-consuming and moderately humiliating.
If you want to crank up your success levels starting RIGHT NOW, I suggest you absorb the facts from all the big names who’ve been there and done that.
It’ll save you time, energy, and aggravation – and let’s face it. I can’t think of any reason why you’d want to delay turning yourself into a MASTER of seduction, attraction, and flirting. (Not only do you reap the obvious benefits, but it’s also the best hobby you will EVER have.)
Your friend,
Slade Shaw
MeetYourSweet.com