Some guys who have a long history of different relationships have it the hardest because they’re often labelled as a “player”.
What makes it difficult for them is that they’re often pigeonholed into the stereotypical guy-who-can’t-commit category which negatively affects how women see them – not to mention how these men perceive themselves.
Worse, being through nasty breakups and unpleasant experiences in general can make just about any guy jaded about relationships as a whole. With all of these factors to deal with, how can the average man actively create success in dating and find the ideal relationship?
There’s nothing complicated about it really. However, most guys take these simple truths for granted, so it’s important that you don’t underestimate the importance of sticking to some basic habits that will help you keep you and your woman happy:
#1: Don’t Get Too Comfortable
Ok, I’m not saying that you should watch every little thing you say or do around your partner. No one wants to be in a relationship where every thought process has to be pre-approved by their significant other.
What I am saying is that there is a certain line of familiarity that you shouldn’t cross – no matter how long you’ve been together.
In short, you can’t treat your woman like she’s one of your buddies. Save the guy talk for poker night; it’s a different ballgame with your woman. Now again, this isn’t about censoring yourself or compromising your principles just to please the lady of the house.
To be specific, the way you communicate when you’re with your male friends is fine – as long as you’re hanging with them, and not your partner.
Have you noticed how guys usually don’t exchange more than a handful of words, but can bond just as well as the ladies who often have more to say to each other? That’s just the general difference between the genders, so you need to work with this – not against it.
For starters, when you’re talking to her about something that happened, learn how to communicate from an emotional standpoint rather than just telling her what happened.
Guys are more inclined to give the facts, but you have to appreciate that women usually include the things they felt along the way as well. If you’re telling her about how your day went, try describing your feelings to better connect to your woman. You’ll find that she’ll be a lot more responsive when you make this subtle tweak to your communication style.
#2: Keeping in Touch (Literally, That Is)
When it comes to staying intimate, you need to think beyond the bedroom. Most guys usually see sex as the only physical means of expressing love, but there’s a lot more to it for women.
If you want to keep things hot on a long-term basis, don’t underestimate the huge difference that little gestures make throughout the day. Don’t pass up the opportunity to be affectionate, like briefly hugging your woman from behind when she’s doing the dishes or kiss her before she goes to work.
When you’re out in public, make sure to hold her hand and put her arms around her when you’re watching a movie. These may not seem like a lot on their own, but it matters when you add them up over the days and weeks of being together.
Besides, getting her used to being physical with you in non-sexual ways will condition her to get busy with you under sheets when the chance comes up!
#3: Talking It Out
It’s no secret that a couple will fight about something when they’ve been together long enough. You’ve probably had your fair share of disagreements with your partner, and you need manage these sticky situations effectively so they don’t escalate.
Just like our first tip, communication is key. Learning how to use the right words makes all the difference between resolving your disagreements with minimal damage and amplifying them.
The next time you fight over something, try focusing on what exactly got you riled up in the first place instead of trying to blame the problem on her. Women aren’t cool with being accused, regardless of whether you think you’re right or not.
This is not debate club, and the goal is not to attack your partner. Fighting to hurt is the number one predictor of divorce, so you need to de-escalate by separating your woman’s words and actions from her as a person.
Here’s an example: “Babe, I was really pissed off when you made fun of me in front of our friends for forgetting to take out trash from time to time. Fine, I’m not perfect, but I really think it’s not cool because I get the feeling like you’re putting me down even if you think that you’re just kidding around.”
In this situation, you could have accused her of being a heartless ball-buster for cutting you down in front of other people. It would be way easy to tell her that you’re sick of her crap and storm out the room.
But you’re better than that. You can take the higher road simply by adjusting your communication patterns when there’s a little trouble brewing between you and your lady. By exercising a healthy dose of maturity, you’re already demonstrating your masculinity which your woman will find irresistible.
No matter how many breakups you’ve had or women you’ve met in the past, it doesn’t have to impact your ability to hold down a long-term relationship. The “secret” lies in daily maintenance which is hardly rocket science.
When you break it down to a series of making a positive contribution every day, there’s nothing complicated about ditching the “player” or “commitment-phobe” label.