One of the biggest barriers to being more attractive to women is thinking that it’s a skill you’re either born with or not. A lot guys go around trying to approach women with this mindset, so they’ve already lost the battle before they’ve even fought it.
If you want to free yourself from this self-defeating mentality, you just have to focus on learning the basics to demystify the attraction process.
Fishing In The Right Waters
You should get it out of your head that there aren’t enough good women out there. This is another myth that keeps guys from getting more dates mainly because this mindset makes them desperate, and therefore unattractive to women.
The reality is that life is actually abundant if you know where to look. That’s why you just need to come up with a list of women’s favorite stomping grounds to narrow your search for your ideal partner.
To get started, try hitting the gym and chatting with the regulars BEFORE they start their session (it’s usually not cool to start yapping while she’s doing her crunches) to make some inroads in your new fitness hangout.
If you’re into health and staying fit, then sharing your passion with someone could just be the perfect middle ground to help you establish rapport with available women. However, there are plenty of other places that bring people with the same interests together.
For instance, furniture or home improvement stores might just be your thing. A lot of women are into making their living spaces beautiful, not to mention creating a nice place to bring their friends and family together.
If you’re digging the same vibe, then this is a great place to meet women on the same wavelength as you. Heck, even asking her opinion on which throw pillows would go with your cream colored couch makes for a great conversation.
Compared to hitting on patrons at a singles watering hole, picking up women at your friendly neighborhood home depot might seem like the most boring or unlikely scenario.
However, there are a couple of advantages to this setup. First, you’re meeting women in a relaxed setting where there’s no pressure for you to buy her a drink or have an end goal of sleeping with her before the night’s over.
Even better is that these women are more at ease compared to putting on their ‘party face’ in the club or similar places. That’s not to say women are being phony during their girl’s night out.
It’s simply that meeting them outside of the usual places gives you a better glimpse of their everyday selves, which is what counts in the long run, right?
And this applies to a whole lot of places that don’t involve tequila shots. Take a drive around your area or Google your way around to find out which of these unlikely places that have women whom might share some common interests with.
Pushing Into Unknown Territory
Just remember that it’ll go a lot better for you if you walk up to women who are obviously not too engrossed in what they’re doing at a given moment. This includes getting money at the ATM, hitting the treadmill, listening to music on their headphones.
In other words, if their body language indicates that they wouldn’t mind being interrupted too much, then go for it. Sure, walking up to a total stranger in the hopes of winning them over isn’t an exact science, but so what?
The worst that will happen is that she’ll either give you the cold shoulder, give a one-liner response and get on with her life or tell you to get lost. You’ll still walk away with more experience under your belt which will of course help you on your next approach.
The Art Of Subtlety
It’s human nature to hold something back from another person when you know they really want it. And by ‘really want it’, I mean acting nervous and desperate which will spook women away.
Neediness equals now social value, so you need to engage women in a way that doesn’t make them defensive. One technique to help you do this is to break down your conversation one tidbit at a time.
In a party for example, you might spot a woman who looks interesting to talk to. The problem is there’s no mutual friend in between to introduce you to her, so the only option left is to strike up a conversation with point blank.
However, you can be subtle about it by making it look like you’re just passing by when you happen to notice her there. You don’t want her to see you hovering nearby before going in because that will blow your approach by the time you start talking to her.
Say ‘Hi’ and then make an observation about something close by, like the band playing, the food or one of the guests who’s had a little too much to drink. Making a funny or even a straightforward comment about something is more than enough to get a conversation going.
But the trick here is not to hover around too long and move on elsewhere. For instance, after a couple of minutes you could excuse yourself by saying, ‘I have to go back to my friends but it was nice meeting you.’
By keeping things short and sweet, she doesn’t have to make an excuse to exit the conversation since you didn’t drag it out too long. Besides, this little exercise will help you get a feel of her personality and let you know if she’ll be open to another brief conversation when you ‘run’ into her again later (after a decent interval of time, of course).
This method works in most events that are packed with people. You have plenty of reasons to make a graceful exit and you’ll greatly improve your chances by not looking needy.
Be A People Person
The only caveat though is that you should be able to start a conversation in the most natural way possible, and the best way to get your feet wet is by talking to just about everyone around you on a daily basis.
After all, attraction skills are basically the same as people skills. The better you are with talking to just about any person out there, the easier it is to talk to women you’re attracted to.
Just about everyone you run into in the course of your life is the perfect chance for you to improve your conversational abilities. Use these moments to learn how to gauge people’s reactions and talk to them in a way that keeps them engaged.
Remember, there’s no secret code to get women to like you. Sure, not everyone is a ‘natural’ at this, but any skill can be learned over time.