By Slade Shaw
Author of Why Men Pull Away
Learn exactly what pushes men to leave…and how to NEVER feel abandoned or rejected
Why Men Pull Away…and What Makes Them STAY In Love
3 Ways To Tell If He’s The Marrying Kind
Many of us have no clue what a man wants in a relationship.
If we’re CYNICAL, we may think he just wants sex, someone to keep him from feeling alone, or the status of having a girlfriend.
If we’re ROMANTIC, we may think that he wants love, a life companion, and a mother for his children.
And if we look into our OWN hearts, into the many complex reasons we want a man in our lives, we often find a little bit of all of the above.
The proportions may be different, but none of us can deny that the benefits of a relationship include companionship, intimacy, a change in status from “single” to “couple,” love, partnership, and a shared future.
But what most of us don’t know is how important relationships actually are for men.
According to the National Marriage Project supported by Rutgers University, marriage transforms men’s lives in positive, healthy ways.
Married men are more productive, earn more money, get sick less, think more about the future, are happier, and even have better sex lives.
According to sociologist Steven Nock, marriage is also a rite of passage from boy to man.
Surprisingly, two out of three men do NOT believe that the purpose of marriage is having children.
The National Marriage Project 2004 study on “The Marrying Kind: Which Men Marry and Why” reveals that the type of man most likely to look forward to a future of marital bliss is:
* Religious,
* Has grown up in a family with both parents, and
* Feels it’s time to settle down.
Most marriage-minded men are married for the first time by the time they’re thirty.
Which brings us to the second group that the study examined: the NON-marrying kind, which describes about one in five men.
These are men who believe that marriage is NOT for them. They are significantly more likely to distrust women, fear losing their personal freedom, focus on the high divorce rate and bad marriages, and not want children.
The study suggests that the notion of the thirty-something bachelor who’s finally getting ready to settle down after sowing his wild oats is, in fact, a myth. Many thirty-something single men are undecided or even opposed to the idea of getting married anytime soon.
Therefore, if you’re seeking a partner with long-term potential, here are 3 things you should look out for:
TIP #1: HE IS POSITIVE ABOUT MARRIAGE
A marriage-minded man will speak positively of marriage or other people’s marriages.
If, on the other hand, he often predicts that a trouble marriage will end in divorce or points out the disadvantages and troubles in other people’s marriages, then he may not hold a positive enough belief in marriage to want to make that commitment himself.
TIP #2: HE GETS ALONG WELL WITH AND LIKES WOMEN
A marriage-minded man will trust women in general.
Men who’ve had positive, healthy relationships with other women (such as his mother, sisters, female friends, co-workers) have often developed the skills needed to build and maintain a relationship with a partner.
These men have a greater understanding of women, or at least have come to peace with gender differences, and are less likely to see women as the enemy.
TIP #3: HE’S READY TO SETTLE DOWN
A marriage-minded man has usually passed the stage in life where “fun and freedom” were his main focus.
Even though most men will agree that their freedom is important to them, a man who’s settling into the stage in his life where he can think about marriage will find that other goals appeal to him.
He may think more about finding a soulmate. He may be more interested in building something lasting, such as a career, a house, or public service.
If, on the other hand, he often jokes about the “ball and chain” of marriage and urges friends to treasure their freedom above a woman, he may not be the marrying kind.
That’s all for today… Can you think of any other tips to tell he’s a long-term proposition?
If you’re ready to take the plunge and learn why men pull away – Click here to watch my free video presentation…
Why Men Pull Away…and What Makes Them STAY In Love (VIDEO)
Interesing. The man I am seeing for a year now, has made all the right moves as far as the future. He wants us to be together and have a home together. I am living in another state about 5 hrs away and we see each other about once every 5 to 6 weeks. I am trying to find a job in the town he resides (I grew up there and do have family/friends there). But haven’t been able to yet. I will say he has NEVER mentioned marriage or asked me to marry him. I was married before and lived with the man before marriage, it didn’t work, and that’s what statistics show. If I marry again, I don’t want to LIVE with the man so he can “exit” the minute things don’t go his way….and I want to be married by a preacher not a JP. I don’t think that’s expecting too much.
Signed:
Pensive
jane, run as fast and as far away as you can. you would be a fool to uproot your life to be with him, even if you do have family and friends there. on the other hand, maybe the universe just wants you to go back home, but for other reasons besides him. he could just be the initial incentive. if you go, be prepared for the end to come with him, he will run the other way, if you don’t first.
I have been with mine for a little over 2 years. In the beginning he always said the phrase “when we get married” now its I’m not interested and never have been. He said he wants to be together forever and his sister ruined it for him by bringing it up all the time. We are both in late thirties. I have 2 teens myself. Non with him. He don’t want kids. Has 14 year old. Grr. Wish I knew what to do. I have made it clear I want it in the future with or without him. Totally confused.
If a guy says on a date after a waiter makes comment “happy wife happy life” while we just started dating & he’s says OH NO, NOT MARRIED, NO WAY. Later in relationship says if he wins the lottery we will get married. Meanwhile shows no sign of really making me feel like we are close. We’ve since broken up b/c I pushed the issue as women do & got angry & disrespected him (I profusely apologized) He did not, for still being on 2 dating sites afer we were living together. He won’t allow me to express my feelings & it seem to turn into “We have to talk” which all men get their back up & he did. I’m beside myself. I kw I deserve better but this guy has some kind of hold on me. It’s driving me crazy. I’m confused as to how to proceed or try to let it go. So hard 4 me, 1st guy since my divorce 5 yrs ago that I wanted to date. What do I do???
I’m in a relationship for the past four years now and we even have a kid, but this guy is never certain when he is going to get marry and to whom.Nearly forty years old man doesn’t seem to be interested in marriage and with two kids including mine. Why are some men really like that?
I met this guy in March this year through online dating. We went on so well that we decide †☺ meet up. We did. From there, a relationship sparked up. Later by April and May, I told him clearly that I don’t want a boy friend, rather, I want someone I will walk down the sunset with and get married, then he talked †☺ ♏ε about building the relationship through friendship. I got furious at him because I thought he just wanted a fling. Then by June, after his 30th Birthday, he told ♏ε he has decide †☺ be with ♏ε and make ♏ε his one and so I should go and think about this decision and also decide whether †☺ be with him or not. I did come back with a ‘yes’ answer, but then I started noticing a sort of dryness in the relationship, like, I call first, text first and I do all the romantic stuff of sweet names, while he calls ♏ε by my own name. I got very uncomfortable and asked him if he really loved ♏ε, because Ȋ† seem like I’m the only one doing all the romantic stuff and I don’t feel passion from his end. and then he replied and said he will advice ♏ε †☺ dedicate my heart †☺ someone who will be committed †☺ ♏ε because he’s planning †☺ travel out of the country by the end of the year if he does not get a pay rise… What do I do? I can’t beg a man †☺ be with ♏ε.
I have boyfreind now,he courting me 5years ago,and now we already coming 1year,he have 4kds,and he separatet 8years ago,but still not devorce,i am also same satuation with him,he want to marry me,is posible?did he really deserving to be with me
I just ended a 24 year relationship. We lived together almost this whole time. At first gave me all these stipulations for us to maybe EVER get married.He was divorced 2. Since he knew I wanted to be married, he use this and the carrot dangling over my head. If I would do this, if I would do that, maybe one of these days??? He is 78 years old and I am 63 years old. It was just one after another so that he could have a live in partner without the commitment of marriage. I finally had the courage to move out and leave. And maybe find someone who wants the same thing.he had told all his friends many many times he would never get married again. The only one that was still going to not to believe it was me.unfortunately it taught me very hard lesson. Please, please, don’t stay in a relationship were you compromise on what you truly want!! I did and I was a fool!
I find guys in there 40s whos been married before tend to run a mile about marriage again. They would rather play the field and go on dating sites and not settle down.
I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years now and w both wad married went through a divorce and was hurt very badly but we found The strength to love and trust again it’s hard wr had issues with both his x and mine trying everything to come and between us but has failed….. And The funny thing is i guess The old saying is true you don’t you don’t know what you have till it’s gone but what they failed to realize is it made our love that much stronger we are In love happy and will marry there is no rush you can’t force love it’s there or it’s not..so All you bitter ex girls and guys realize it’s over and grow up and move on….
Hi Jane, I’d say you should play it by ear for now and not pressure him too much. Aside from the signs discussed in the post, does he also appear to be keen on moving closer together? If so, that would be another positive sign that he wants to take things more seriously. Try being subtle by casually talking about marriage, specifically about someone else’s (e.g. your friend or relative) and see if he seems open about the idea of being married.
Your articles have been enlightening. Really enjoy reading them. Another thing that comes to mind is to observe if he flirts with other women while he is in your presence. This can be an indication of disrespect for you
I have been talking to and seeing a man for 8 years. I’ve moved 10 hours away from my family just to be with him and each time I felt like I was doing all the giving as in givi g up everything just to be with him and he didn’t give up nothing. It was as if he continues with his life the same as it was before I moved in with him. He is 55 and never been married but lived with 3 women previously. His famous words were that we would get married if I stayed but I never saw any indication of that we would. It was always wait for this or that but I feel like that’s all I do is wait for absolutely nothing. Now he wants me to move away from home again to be with him. I’m tired of waiting and tired of being alone. just basically tired of men thinking its all about what they want.
Hope to meet the right person finally because he exists but it is hard to meet him….Hope I will meet him soon since the time is passing…escaping….Mirjana