By Slade Shaw
Author of Why Men Pull Away
Learn exactly what pushes men to leave…and how to NEVER feel abandoned or rejected
Why Men Pull Away…and What Makes Them STAY In Love
15 Reasons Men Fear Commitment
Have you tried just about everything and he still won’t commit? Do you feel like he is pulling away despite your attempts to pull for commitment? Do you feel like he’ll never marry you?
Welcome to the world of many women who want that long-term commitment from their men, but for one reason or another simply don’t get it.
That’s why I’d like to open your eyes to 15 reasons why men fear commitment.
It is important that you come to understand what holds men back, so you can know what to do and what not to do when you think he’s the one for you for the long haul.
Reason #1. Imprisonment
Ladies, for many men the “C” word means jail to them.
Men like their free time with the guys, evenings out at the bar playing pool and drinking beer, and late nights killing as many guys as they can on Play Station.
They don’t want to give those things up and they think that if they “commit”, they will have to.
Reason #2. Men like variety
Let’s face it: men like a variety when it comes to sex.
Granted, many men outgrow this and begin to desire a “life partner”, but the thought of having sex with just one woman for the rest of his life scares the hell out of so many men.
Reason #3. They see your “crazy” come out
Women might not like to admit it, but they tend to have a little “crazy” in them.
I’m talking more about the women who hunt and pursue their men down, drowning him in texts, calls, and the 20 question game every evening.
(Where have you been? With who? Doing what?)
If you pursue your man too aggressively, it will scare him.
Who wants to be hunt down like an animal only to know that they’re headed for a cage?
Ease off, ladies. Some space is required.
Reason #4. What if she’s not the one?
Chances are your guy has dated plenty of other women and they weren’t “the one” and he may fear that you are not either.
Women may think after a few dates that she’s ready for that “commitment”, but it takes men much, much longer.
He does not want to rush and simply wants to have a good time dating with no expectations.
Do your best to allow him time to dig on you and respect his thought process.
Reason #5. He fears you will turn into his mother
Your guy has buddies. Some of those buddies have made a long term commitment or gotten married and you know what he’s been hearing from his buddies?
How his girl turned into his mother.
“Why were you so late getting home?
Stop leaving your dirty underwear on the floor!
Are you watching football again???”
Guys don’t want to hear their mother’s voices come out of their ladies mouths.
This is one reason they are hesitant to commit.
They want the freedom to be who they are without belittling and judgment.
Reason #6. He doesn’t want to end up broke
Many times during the dating process, men and women split expenses, but when they get into long-term relationships or marriage, many women expect the man to take care of all the finances while she does what she pleases.
The thought of his girl turning into a woman like this scares him.
Men do like to provide, however, they would prefer their women contribute something to the relationship as well.
Reason #7. He wants sex to continue
Men fear that a serious relationship or marriage will dramatically decrease his chances of having sex.
It is fairly common knowledge that the longer a couple is together, the less sex they have due mainly to the woman becoming less interested.
This does not sound appealing to a man.
Reason #8. Men fear change
Commitment and marriage to a man makes him think that he will have to change.
No more late night parties with the guys, no more video games all weekend, and moving in together means he might have to actually put cleanliness on his priority list.
Men don’t love to think of changing as such.
Reason #9. Men freak out about babies
If a woman starts talking about babies while dating, many men completely freak out.
They are not ready to even think about being responsible for a crying, diaper dirtying, slobbering baby. Hold off on such talk so you do not scare him off.
Reason #10. He fears he can’t take care of you
As much as he wants you to contribute to the relationship as you can, a man will still want to feel like he is taking care of you.
The thought that maybe he won’t be able to scares him and causes him to drag his feet when it comes to commitment.
Time usually cures this fear, so be patient and affirm your man often to boost his confidence.
Reason #11. He’s just not mature enough yet
Some men will tell you flat out that they are not mature enough for a long-term commitment.
The minute the get drunk and see a pretty girl at the local tavern, they might not be able to resist her.
Appreciate the honesty and decide if you are willing for your man to grow up or keep it moving.
Reason #12. You are not happy
Ladies, if you are dating a man and you are not happy, he is well aware of the fact that he won’t be able to make you happy in the future either.
If he commits while you are moaning, groaning, and whining all the time, he is setting himself up for a miserable future.
Reason #13. Men fear divorce
If half of the marriages end in divorce, this is a good reason why men ought to fear commitment.
Relationships and marriages require hard work and quite a bit of maturity to make it for the long haul.
Many guys simply want to enjoy a woman’s presence but not have to make a long-term commitment for fear of failure.
Reason #14. A traumatic childhood
If a man had a traumatic childhood due to parents who fought all the time or simply grew up in an extremely toxic home environment, he may be less likely to want to commit.
He fears that a good situation will turn bad somewhere down the road and he does not want to have to feel the negative feelings he did when he was a kid.
Reason #15. He will lose his identity
Men normally like their identity and fear commitment because some women try to take a man and change him into something she wants him to be.
Men are not puppets and they don’t want to be treated as such.
If you are with a man that has commitment issues, simply have a heart to heart with him. Doing such could give you great insight into why he feels the way he does.
And if you are looking for more insight into why he’s avoiding commitment and pulling away from you, check out this short video with even more tips and how to overcome the silly barriers he places in the way of commitment:
Addressing the “He wants sex to continue” excuse. As a woman, I’m really tired of hearing this one… as well as all the complaints of MEN who would perpetuate the myth (and jokes) that women cut them off sexually, as soon as “I do” happens. So let me educate any man who might be reading this. (All women who read this will want to erect a statue in my honor, the poor-excuses-for-men will want to shoot me). The reason women no longer SEEM interested in sex after marriage is because that’s when it becomes clearly evident to her that the man she married cares only about HIS sexual satisfaction. RARELY (if ever) does the husband focus on his wife’s equally strong sexual need for release. As long as he gets his need met, he is quite satisfied. His wife, however, is still lying there, feeling completely used, frustrated as heck, (providing the loser even bothered to attempt to stimulate her to arousal in the first place), and the husband just can’t figure out why his wife loses interest in sex “after marriage”!!! It’s SO much easier to dump the truckload of blame onto the wife than to MAN UP, ASSUME RESPONSIBILITY, AND SEEK OUT SOME EDUCATION that will equip him to meet her sexual needs. Men’s overly delicate egos prevent them from admitting they aren’t superstuds in the bedroom…yet… and thus perpetuate the long history of male ignorance and frustrated women! I don’t know if this site will allow me to post Orgasm Arts or Jason Julius in my comment, but I certainly hope they will. KNOWLEDGE IS POWER. AND IT’S THERE FOR THE LEARNING. EMPOWER YOURSELF TO BE THE BEST LOVER SHE’S EVER HAD AND YOU’LL HAVE A WIFE WHO WANTS MORE SEX THAN YOU CAN EVEN HANDLE! (Key point here-if she’s NOT trying to seduce you every night when you get home from work, then YOU are exactly who this post is for)! Has there EVER been a man who said, “No Baby, I REFUSE to get off until I have met YOUR need, and I will not stop until you are satisfied, no matter how long it takes”? But yet, I’ve never known of ANY man who stops until HE is satisfied!!! Marriage is supposed to be about caring for each other AT LEAST AS MUCH AS you care about yourself. Never met a man who could do that either, and I’m now in my 50s.
Hi Tina, I wouldn’t go as far as making broad generalizations about men and women, but I do agree that there are some selfish men out there who tend to become more focus on satisfying their own desires without reciprocating. Then there are women who stop making the effort to maintain the sexual aspect of their relationship, leaving their man frustrated. Thus, both men and women make mistakes in their relationships.
The advice we’re giving is under the context of a relatively balanced and functional relationship – so we’re really trying to point out the irrational fears that men have and how women can alleviate these concerns.
It’s not about catering to a guy’s ego or compromising your own needs, but rather doing your part just as much as women expect their guy to meet them halfway.
I agree totaly with what tina said men think about there needs not ours maybe if they tried satisfieing our needs and treating uslike there woman and all that then maybe just maybe we will satisfie there needs marage is about 2 people how love each outher and wanna spend there lives together thanks for reading xx