By Slade Shaw
Author of Why Men Pull Away
Learn exactly what pushes men to leave…and how to NEVER feel abandoned or rejected
Why Men Pull Away…and What Makes Them STAY In Love
Top 3 Reasons Why Men Switch Off Their Love
Have you ever dated a man where everything has been going great, you have both completely fallen for each other, and then all of a sudden he has completely pulled away from you?
And you have NO IDEA what on earth went wrong?
Today I will give you some of the answers to this great mystery. I will reveal the TOP THREE reasons why men suddenly switch off their love.
And better yet, I will explain how you can STOP this from happening.
This is something we ALL need to know!
1. When physical attraction goes from red-hot to barely lukewarm.
It’s true – men are visual creatures. Love is always sparked off initially by physical attraction. And even as that love deepens, attraction still plays a major part in a man’s desire to be with a women.
So if a guy remains physically attracted to a women there is a much higher chance he will stay committed to the relationship, even during tough times.
Usually, the reason that a man’s physical attraction dwindles is down to a feeling that his partner has ‘let herself go’ and doesn’t bother putting effort into her appearance anymore.
Every woman in a relationship probably reduces effort in their appearance to some extent (heck, every guy too).
We seduce our man through sexy outfits, a careful hair and beauty routine, and toned legs gained through hard work at the gym.
Then once the honey moon period has ended, we relax and stop making such an effort.
The tight jeans or pantyhose we used to wear get replaced with trackpants or leggings more and more often, as we opt for the comfier option.
Likewise, we may forfeit hours at the gym for cuddling up on the couch with our man eating crisps and pizza.
Although a little bit of weight gain shouldn’t matter, if a woman puts on a lot of weight as the relationship progresses, a guy can lose physical attraction for her – having a sense of ‘this isn’t what I signed up for’.
In fact, as is explained in ‘For Women Only’ by bestselling author Shaunti Feldhahn, a man actually directly relates the EFFORT that his girlfriend or wife puts into her appearance to the degree that she cares for him.
This may be a little hard to hear, but the good thing is that the effort you put into your appearance is under YOUR control. You have the ability to make improvements in this area and work to accentuate your best features.
And the great thing is that research has shown that most guys are more than willing to offer their support when it comes to helping their partner to get into shape.
So get your man on board – ask him to work out with you and agree to cut down on high-fat or sugary foods together. This will make it A LOT easier – believe me.
And put some extra effort into feeling sexy and dressing up for your man. Throw old any old, warn clothes, get a haircut, and slink into those butt-hugging jeans he loves.
The results will be amazing!
2. When praise and appreciation gets replaced with criticism and nagging.
Men love to be appreciated and admired by their partners. If a guy knows his girlfriend is happy, he will be happy.
But what makes him lose interest is when his girlfriend stops showing her praise and admiration for him and instead starts to complain and demand things from him all the time.
A man who senses that he cannot earn his partner’s admiration will slowly start to lose interest in the relationship – and may start looking out for women in his life who DO admire him.
Men hate to be nagged and if it happens too often they tend to just switch off.
If a woman is too critical all the time, her man will no longer feel that he can make her happy. He will start feeling like a failure – a way no man wants to feel.
Feeling disrespected and criticized is NOT what a guy wants long-term. So he will start thinking about getting himself out of the relationship ASAP.
So whenever you find yourself nagging your man, stop and think about what you are really wanting to achieve.
Remember, guys respond a lot better to positive feedback than negative feedback (don’t we all!).
Usually you will find that if you start showing more praise and admiration for all of the things he is doing RIGHT, rather than pointing out what he is doing wrong, he will be naturally more motivated to try and please you.
Because being praised and appreciated feels GOOD.
3. An unfulfilling or barely existent sex life.
In The truth about man and sex, we discussed exactly what sex means to men and why it is so important to your relationship.
I can’t stress this point enough ladies – never under-estimate the importance of a fulfilling sex life to men.
When a man is deprived of sex in a relationship, the quality of the relationship can quickly go downhill.
Why? Because for guys, being sexually rejected can cause a big ball of insecurities to come bubbling up from beneath the surface.
Including not being desirable, not being enough of a ‘man’ and not being capable of turning his partner on.
Guys need sex to maintain intimacy and connection with their partners. Sex gives them a release they can’t get from anything else and it is the gateway to opening up their emotional side.
Although you and your man may not have sex quite as often as you did in the passion-crazed time when you first got together, if your sex life has steadily declined during your relationship, this may be setting warning bells off in your guy’s head.
But again, your sex life is something you CAN do something about. Putting effort and energy into your sex life may be just the thing which saves your relationship. Because believe me, sex is one of the things which will make your man feel the most loved.
So there you have it ladies – the real and honest top three things which cause men to switch off their love. Take his advice on board and you will forever have a happy and loving man by your side.
If you’re ready to take the plunge and learn why men pull away – Click here to watch my free video presentation…
Why Men Pull Away…and What Makes Them STAY In Love (VIDEO)
See it’s down to us girls to make all the effort again! So what about all those overweight unruly looking guys we see around? What about when we get nothing but criticism and nasty remarks about everything we say and do? And the sex thing? Oh my! So you’re constantly told you’re fat and useless. He’s not interested in any type of ‘conversation’ with you, Oh don’t let me forget, men aren’t genetically programmed to communicate unless it’s really necessary, and then we are supposed to turn into a sex goddess to keep them feeling connected and give them release. Hmm. something not quite the ticket here.
Hi Christine,
You’ve raised a very important point: relationships are a two-way street and it is always the responsibility of both partners to put effort into the relationship. Guys need to keep working on making their partners feel valued, respected, desired and sexually fulfilled just as much as women do. And it’s very true that if a guy is overly critical of his partner and fails to communicate with her, her love for him is just as likely to eventually ‘switch off’. However, sometimes when you want things to improve in your relationship, it’s easier to start with things that you can change yourself, rather than fighting a losing battle trying to change your partner. When your partner sees you putting extra effort into the relationship and working on presenting a more positive self, he may just follow suit.
I get fed up with hearing what is important to males and that they are wired differently. How about the fact that basically we are all human beings and therefore Gender should not come into play. The fact is we all like to be appreciated, feel wanted and adored. Nobody likes to be critised or put down. I certainly wouldn’t want a man who also lets himself go with his appearance such as great bulging beer belly and slobs out every night watching the tele. I too would also like a male whom desires my body and doesn’t just last for five minutes. And makes love to all of it and not just a specific part to it.
Hi Jo,
You’re absolutely right: we are all human beings who want to feel wanted, valued and adored by our partners. And men need to put just as much effort into their relationships as women do. This article merely highlights the things that we can do to keep making our partners feel loved and valued, in the hope that they will do the same. Thank you for your insights.
I understand that sex is important for men, but how can a man not get aroused by a women who offers it straight up to him? Not only once but three times this happened. Yes this would have been a FWB deal and I am glad now that it didn’t happen. So if he was never going to be interested in dating me then why does he always flirt and such. So finally I told him that I couldn’t have sex with him because it was an emotional thing for me, and he told me that he couldn’t have sex with me either. I even asked him straight out if he liked me more then just a friend and his answer was I’m not saying anything. This has been very confussing and has been a big blow to my self-esteem and sex life to the point I don’t bother with sex anymore. Casual sex just feels gross to me now.
Hi Bonnie,
Thanks for sharing your experiences with us. It sounds like you may have been the victim of a ‘game-player’; a guy who acts like he is interested but does not wish to commit to a woman. Good on you for asking him straight out how he feels about you, as this is not always easy to do. Unfortunately, his unwillingness to let you know how he feels suggests he may be wasting your time. I’m sorry to hear that this experience has been a blow to your self-esteem, and strongly suggest that you read 6 Things To Remember When You Feel Like You’re Not Good Enough. You are a woman of value who deserves to be cherished and appreciated.
I was be like you ladys before ( Christine,Bonnie and Jo) then when i become a member of ” meet your sweet ” i start to using any infomations i can get from this website to advancing my self over my feeling that i am not good enough.
now i am happy and most of my friends have a comment that i have change i am happy and more attractive then they ever see before. yep my dress size still same as i was 6-7 years a go. but my feeling inside had never been better.
Look ladys don’t give up or fed-up do it for your self not for mans if your man notice then that is a bonus
i hope this will help or somewhat comfort you.
i am here with my support.
sue
I made all three of these mistakes & now my spouse of 33 yrs doesn’t want me anymore. He wouldn’t even give me some time to pull myself together let alone be supportive. What about him you might ask? He was always a nitpickee it it got worse & I felt like I just couldn’t do anything right anymore. He made me feel inferior. He doesn’t look like he did when I married him but he didn’t get fat he got skinny. Gone is the muscular arms & thighs & that great butt he had. As for sex, he cheated on me twice & the first time I took him back alls forgiven. The second time I practically begged him to come back. The sex? He stopped making love to me & was just having sex so I stayed away from the bedroom. Now, I don’t know for sure if he is having the affair I accused him of having but he still wants to have sex all the time & he still wants out & is using arguing as the reason. By now I should hate him but I don’t. I want to mend our relationship but he doesn’t. I love him despite everything and I’m so heartbroken & lost w/o him. Am I crazy?
I agree, but- what if the woman wants more sex then the man does? The man wants to cuddle and spend a cosy evening and to watch TV together, but the woman would prefer hot sex instead? Of course she can seduce him, but we also want to be seduced and desired by our men like at the beginning of the relationship. So what to do in such situation?
What about when its the other way around and the guy doesnt iniatate sex ir intamacy? Women feel the same when they are rejected or told that that man is too tired,sick or just donesnt feel like it.
So, my question is..how does one regain a man’s interest once he has pulled away? I made some mistake recently into a 4 month relationship (everything was going perfect until i acted on my emotions and fears), i kept doubting his feelings, i wold ask where our relationship was going and saying how i don’t want to feel like i am wasting my time. At one point i even said that i feel like my feelings are being rejected because he was unable to open up and talk about his feelings (only now i realize what a huge mistake that was because i didn’t understand the difference between how guys and girls communicate, and how they don’t talk about feelings and emotions as openly as we do)i basically scared him away with my drama and now he’s not even respond to my messages or phone calls. i have started the 30 days no contact hoping to give him space….but in this situation, how does one regain a man’s interest again?
There are some really great suggestions here and concisely presented. If there was one phrase that sums it up it might be: we all love to be appreciated and men are no different in this respect from anyone else.
I have been with a man who I believe had a double life and ended up finding flights with him and his ex wife without me. Some guys are just shady and are con artist.
Pauline, don’t bother to try to fix things up with this jerk. Simply take your new found information and move on to a guy who can give you what you want. Much, much better for you dear.
How about the fact that they are just flat out selfish and think the world should revolve around them and their penis. What if they have no clue about how to satisfy and woman and only care about their orgasm. What about women being tired from commuting and working 8-10 hour days just like the men do? What about women getting home and having to then take care of dinner, dishes laundry and children? We are tired and if we have put on weight because there is no time or money for the gym what is your suggestion then? Your articles are always about what women do wrong, it is really annoying.
I am also fed up with all the relatioship coachs advices. Do this and he will fall in love and do that. I met someone 18 months ago. Called his girlfriend, asked for exclusivity and cheated, lied, told me he was separated but kepp me as a secret. I gave it all to the relationship. He did the minimum to keep it going. He broke up with me saying we were in different pages. We want different things. He demoted me from girlfriend, to casual to booty call. I became a doormat. He even told me I gave too much and ean untractive. He bragged about the sex, yet went to his friends and told all we did sexually. He did not respect me and now I am wirking hard in getting myself back. He still calling for the bootycall. Well, who wants to loose a good sex session? I joined the gym and no I am in good shape. 130pds and fit. I joined so I can be around other people and help myself forget him. I am not taking his calls and I am working on myself. We do all these things for the man and what are they doubg to keep is? The minute they see a flaw they go look for another bait. Once he got what he wanted from me he put me down, critizied, demage my reputation among his friends. These is not a teenager. This is a 50 years old man. How can a grewn man act like this? I am fed up. They too need to win us. We have to have more power. Not them.
He can’t make you a doormat. Only you can. Remember that. The advice should be used when it comes to a good man. Not an A**hat like the dude you are talking about. Good for you for moving on! Their are truly good guys out there so don’t stop looking! Much luck sister
Wow, in my opinion some women who feel they have to make some changes however some very angry responses that it is time for all men to change and worship them for they have met a bad guy or two and see no good in all men.
yes, I have been divorced for over 20 years without finding another to be close with. I tired of kisses when off to work when our lips did not even touch and sex once a year. Her putting on 25 pounds did not dampen my feelings for she keep herself neat and respectful dressing to please a mans taste as much as a womens taste. Tight clothes or clothes to reveal breasts or imprints of body parts are not as much of a turn on as clothes that leave some things to the imagination. And what would be left for me in private if you show all to the world. Just my thoughts.
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In a way the first two suggestions in this article lead to the third and when all three are working well then your relationship will be something that makes you both happy and fulfilled.
Wow, this is great. but I would like to know how do you keep things on when you are having someone who does not communicate with you. they leave the house going to point A then find themselves in point B and worse they have to call you because they are in trouble. And they come home and say absolutely nothing. How do you keep the fire going?