By Mirabelle Summers
Author of Get A Great Guy Guide
If you want genuine men and not just any man, this will challenge your beliefs about love and attraction, and show you the way to become a seduction success story, check this out…
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How Do I Know He’s Mr Right? 5 Questions To Ask Yourself
Wow. I just received this really heartfelt email from Lucy from North Carolina, and decided I had to share her story and my reply with you, as this is something we ALL need to know.
Lucy’s story really touched me because I realised as I was reading that so many women (including myself) have faced the same problem: how do you know if a guy is truly right for you?
“Hi Mirabelle.
My name is Lucy. I’m a 39 year old woman with two kids who has been divorced for about 5 years now.
Over the last two years I’ve finally worked up the courage to start dating again. I have seen a number of guys over that time but have found that most were either just wanting casual sex rather than a relationship, or were too self-absorbed and immature to handle the thought of children.
I had almost given up on men altogether after being hurt and disappointed so many times, but then I met Mike.
Mike and I met at the dinner party of a mutual friend, and although I wasn’t looking for anything we instantly hit it off.
Mike seems to be everything I’ve been looking for: he always lets me know he cares about me, he’s great with the kids, we both enjoy tennis and we have had several romantic nights out.
But my experience with the last few men has left me doubting my judgment and wondering if my perfect image of Mike is really just me looking through rose-coloured glasses.
Please help me – how do I know if he’s the right one?”
Hi Lucy,
Thank you so much for sharing your story.
I can tell you now that you are absolutely not alone in feeling like this – it can be so hard to know whether a man is really all that he seems to be, especially when we have had bad experiences in the past.
Unfortunately, there is no hard-and-fast answer to whether a man is right for you, as only YOU know how being with your man makes you feel.
However, there are characteristics to always look for when working out whether a man will make a good relationship partner. Dr Ali Binazir, author of the bestselling ‘The Tao of Dating’, has some great advice on how to spot good men from the bad.
Today I will be breaking down 5 of Dr Binazir’s ‘good guy’ traits to look out for, so that you can tell if the man you are seeing is worth trusting with your heart.
Lucy: If Mike does have all of all of these qualities, as well as being incredibly attractive to you, sharing some of your interests (such as tennis), and having similar life views, this is a very good indication that he just may be your Mr Right.
Read below and ask yourself these questions. Be honest, because making excuses for a man is only being unfair to yourself. You deserve the whole package.
1. Does he have a sense of purpose?
Having a sense of purpose in life shows that a man is mature, motivated and knows where he wants to go in life. A man with a sense of purpose is much more likely to know what he wants in a partner and be more committed to a relationship.
Lucy: Think about what Mike has achieved in life. Is he proud of what he has achieved? Does he have goals for the future? What is he doing to work towards these goals?
Answering these questions should give you a good indication of whether Mike has a sense of purpose and direction in his life.
2. Is he humble?
When a man is humble about his achievements and attributes, it shows that he does not always put himself at the centre of the universe and can recognize and value the contributions of others.
If your man is humble, he will be quietly confident and may downplay his achievements. He will take interest in others and praise them on their efforts.
Lucy: Think about your conversations with Mike.
Does he boast about his achievements or does he tend to minimize these? Does he spend more time talking about himself or about you? Does he accept both winning and losing with grace?
3. Is he trustworthy?
A trustworthy man can be relied on to follow through with his plans and promises. He will speak his true thoughts and make you feel safe and secure.
Lucy: Does Mike follow through with what he says he will do? Does he answer personal questions openly and honestly rather than trying to dodge or avoid them?
If the answer to both of these is yes, this is a good indication that Mike is worthy of your trust.
4. Is he considerate?
Consideration is all about thinking of others and their needs. This involves being sensitive to how others are feeling, showing respect and helping people when you can.
Lucy: Is Mike generally well mannered? Does he regularly check in with how you are feeling and take the time to really listen? Does he always offer a hand? These are all definite signs of a considerate man.
5. Does he accept people for who they are?
The last trait we are going to look at is acceptance. It is important for a man to be able to accept himself and others the way they are, rather than always look for what could be changed.
Although self-improvement is great, a man who accepts himself will be generally very comfortable with who he is. He will also view others and their differences fairly. Most importantly, he will accept YOU for who you are, and not try to change you.
Lucy: Does Mike seem comfortable in his own skin? Does he compliment you on who you are, or make suggestions about what you could be? Is he tolerant of others and their differences?
All the best Lucy, I hope this has helped you to become more sure about whether Mike is the right man for you. If he does have all of these qualities, plus all the special things which make him attractive to you, then I can only imagine you two will have a very happy relationship.
To all the women out there who are facing the exact same problem as Lucy, use these questions as a guide for every man you consider dating, as we all deserve to have someone with every one of these qualities and more.
If, at the end of this article, you can honestly say that your man does have a sense of purpose, humility, trustworthiness, consideration and acceptance, then you can celebrate the fact that you have landed yourself a really great guy!
If you want genuine men and not just any man, let us challenge your beliefs about love and attraction, and show you the way to become a seduction success story, check this out…
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No games. No scripted lines. Real life dating advice for real women!
will right now have meet a guy with seems like these qualities….pray that i can keep him
My boyfriend are all of these especially the sense of purpose and humbleness, however, he has told me several times that I talk too much and too fast and the thinks I might pass out, He’s said this to me twice. I have NEVER criticized him for anything. It hurts when he says these things to me.
What I find most difficult is feeling like no one is perfect (including myself), so to find someone who has ALL of those traits seems to be an impossible task. What if he is 80% there – walk away until all five traits are present? Who am I to judge?…
Seems impossible because how many mature, confident, trustworthy, considerate, motivated single men are still out there?? And if they are that good, why would they be still available in their late 30s – early 40s?… And besides the chances of actually finding a guy like that, meeting all of the criteria, the odds of also having that mutual attraction (haven’t you met a guy that seems perfect, but either you are not attracted to him, or he has no interest in you?), similar life views, and similar interests seem more likely to win the Powerball 🙂 …[sigh]…
Will try not to give up, but dang….
Thank you for helping define some attributes to look for. I, like Lucy, am pretty good at second guessing myself. We have all been taught to give people the benefit of the doubt but when do allow reality to shine through as well?
Bingo! I have finally met a “good” man! It makes me realise that there are too many other conditions that we place on our relationship to make it qualify as the right one…. We want them to be lots more than what is really important….. and this list brings it down to the fundamentals. All the rest of the “stuff” that gets in the way of being truly happy together, is probably a reflection of our own issues saboutaging our happiness. I have tackled my long conditional list of attributes that I want in a man….. and have cleaned out my closet of expectation…. its taken years, and lots of aha moments…. stopping, pausing to think and putting things into perspective to ensure that unimportant stuff doesnt distract me from the wonder quality man that I am so lucky to have found in my middle age!! Good Luck…. Clean out your closet!!
@ Savannah…. I realised the problem with middle aged men too…. those that have all of these attributes are still married and whats out there seems to be all the deficient men….. But I changed my approach…. changed my on-line profile and what I projected out to men became what I received in return.
If you on-line date, try changing your profile to be more like a description of your perfect day with a man…. use lots of “we”, “us” things we would do together…. raise your confidence and level of difficulty and weed out the men that are looking for an easy option.
When I met my current man, I thought he was odd, and wasnt sure if he had what it took…. it has taken about a year for him to develop trust and comfort so that I finally see the real man…. not the ego, not the act, not the man that tries too hard….. I say, be patient and give him plenty of time…. I wouldnt have imagined that the man I met a year ago would develop into the man I am with today…. he ticks all of the boxes now!! Good luck!
My boyfriend is all of these except the goals in life . Its like he says he eants to get married amd own a house with me but he has been working at this job for almost four years and I dont see him making or talking about moving up in the company. He has goals with his hobbies like bodybuilding and fishing but work goals I dont see anh. Just talks about shen we get a house he eants this and that. I dont see how we can afford that if he doesnt make any moves without getting a promotion or something. I make more money that him but we still split all the bills in half. Im just wondering if hes probably just comfortable with the situation
I like what you wrote here. I think that the best quality is the “sense of purpose”. But let’s add his willingness to understand you as a man or a woman. Men and women have a lot of differences that only when we understand each other that will help us make the relationship work out.
I see myself with all these traits many times over and have never relized them.
But my wife and HER father are the complete opposite in ever way, She even had a 5yr affair and thought nothing of it.
Strange people the two of them.
Her mother is like me, she is awesome in every way, but she live’s with a Child-Husband.
@ Jane – It’s definitely hard to be with a partner who’s critical. Have you tried letting him know how you feel when he talks like that?
@ Savannah347 – Your guy doesn’t need to have ALL of those listed traits. You should be fine as long as there aren’t any red flags that might suggest he’s not suited for a long-term relationship.
@ janette – Have you tried talking to him about it? Maybe you just need to give him a little more encouragement and motivation to give him the push he needs to aspire for higher goals. When you do talk to him about it, try to be casual about it and not seem to pushy or judgmental, even if it might be making you anxious.
@ ray – Sorry to hear about your situation. Hopefully you’re still making the best for yourself and taking care of your own needs as you’re dealing with your circumstances.
my man as my love has all that are here and i’m so proud of him right now!and these days i found that out hs’s the one for me and i can’t find like him anywhere… i love u dear Reza!
The guy I liked possessed all there qualities, he was definitely my Mr Right. Unfortunately, it’s only half of success to have a guy like that to appear in your life – you have to be his Miss Right as well! He was a perfect guy for me, but alas, I was not the perfect girl for him, so I ended being really hurt.
What are those tips for if the most important thing is wheter this guy likes you or not?
I find dating after 55 to be challenging when the men in my age bracket or older are without a sense of purpose..I still have a desire to do more in life; travel, sense of adventure, companionship and to include intimacy. I have tried online dating and most of the men I meet are content to just doing nothing or need someone to take care of them or even worse just casually date for sex and no comittment..I have almost given up!
My boyfriend is leaving me and go to other country. i love him and cannot tolerate he is leaving me. he doesnt have any commitment to me but he is really a good guy that i fell in love with him.
If I meet a single man over 40, who is good looking, smart, having good job,he’s polite and respectful,doesn’t seem to be a player- I always ask myself “why he is not married or in a relationhip? What’s wrong with him??” I really don’t know where should I search for a high quality man over 40 who is available. On the dating sites there are all presenting themselves from their chocolate sites or even lying to impress you and when you meet them you barely recognize the person from the dating profile. It’s really not easy to stay positive.
If you can find a man with these qualities then you’ve found the man who’s right for you. Great article.
Came on here just to see what those 5 traits are and can I say its spot on. Just turned 40 and married under a year (again). When i look back at those 6 or so single years the others were missing this. Well they may have had it but not my type. The ones that didnt work were missing more than one or most of these. My darling has all.
I agree with some of the commenters above that these amazing qualities can be seen by different women in different men and if you can see them in your man from the things he does and says then yes, you have found a great man and someone you will have a very happy relationship with.
Another quality to look for is if he’s well-adjusted in life or making an effort to get there. If he has done nothing with his life and can see no hope of improvement or where he went wrong his frustrations can build up and you can become a target.
If you met him on a dating site look at his photos as well as his profile. If he has a sad look in his eyes or a cold stare that indicates anger or disappointment that could be caused by years of bad choices that he’s made due to laziness or lack of intelligence. You can try rescuing him but he might sit back and let you do all of the work in the relationship, or make a lot of mistakes that really turn you off to the point of breaking up with him so that’s something that you might want to consider before you jump in with both feet.