By Slade Shaw
Author of Why Men Pull Away
Learn exactly what pushes men to leave…and how to NEVER feel abandoned or rejected
Why Men Pull Away…and What Makes Them STAY In Love
Is He Into Me Or Not?
Time and again, women have been perplexed by the baffling behavior men display when it comes to dating. How is it that they’re warm as a bonfire one day, and then chilly as a snowman the next?
A lot of my friends have come up to me, asking why everything seems to be going OK in the first couple of weeks of dating…
…only to have their guy drop off the face of the Earth.
They all echo the same basic sentiment: “Things were going so well, so why hasn’t he bothered to call, text or email after?”
What is it about some guys who bring on the sweetness and then withdraw it after they’ve gotten our hopes up? Are these men just cruel? Do they take pleasure in leaving us hanging?
Fortunately, I got a male friend to spill his guts on his own flaky behavior. For the sake of his safety (specifically from certain teary-eyed women he’s left high and dry), let’s call him Doug.
Anyway, Doug confessed to pulling a disappearing act on a girl he dated for a month. “Things we’re going really great for us…what made it great was that we were basically doing a slow burn for about four weeks,” he shares.
But then, Doug’s tone changed: “Thing was, I had just come out of a three-year relationship and made the mistake of getting back into the dating scene too soon – I wasn’t really looking for anything serious.”
“So when we finally kissed, it suddenly hit me that I was way in over my head. I freaked out,” he confessed to me.
Doug then exhibited the classic behavior that women loathe the most: coming up with an endless stream of excuses not to get together and basically had no initiative to get in touch with the poor girl.
We shouldn’t judge too harshly (it’s not just men who flake out); instead, we should learn from Doug’s example. When I pressed him about why men give mixed signals, Doug told me, “I don’t know about other guys, but looking back, there’s really nothing ‘mixed’ about what I did.”
“I guess you could say this: if you don’t hear from a guy who’s able-bodied to pick up the phone or turn on his computer, then he’s probably NOT that into you.”
I couldn’t disagree with Doug. The only one true way you can tell if a guy likes you or not is by looking at his behavior. Guys are naturally goal-driven; if he wants something (or someone), there’s no reason for him NOT to give you the smallest sign that he’s alive and well.
In other words, don’t make excuses for him. If he doesn’t call, email or text, there’s no mystery behind his actions. It simply means he’s not just not interested.
Oh sure, he may have his reasons for not wanting to pursue the relationship (like in Doug’s case), but it doesn’t detract from the fact that he’s not willing to make the effort or time to be with you.
Simple as that!
Generally, men aren’t as in touch with their feelings as women are, and they have a harder time expressing themselves compared to us. This is why a guy who’s sitting on the fence is likely having trouble articulating where he stands.
He may like you, but not enough to have a long-term relationship on account of some issues or hang-ups he’s dealing with.
So if you happen to date a guy who seems like a good match but seems like he’s treading water with the occasional email or text, he probably doesn’t want to be perceived as a heartless jerk.
But at the same time, he doesn’t have the heart to tell you that he’s not ready for a relationship.
To put it succinctly: Don’t bother holding your breath, sweetie.
And I don’t want you to think that this makes you less attractive as a woman. It’s his loss, not yours!
You should simply move on and work on strengthening the other areas of your life, such as your career, friendships, and hobbies. The ironic thing about having the ideal relationship is that you’ll find it when you aren’t obsessing over it!
Remember, being fully engaged in your passions and expanding your social circle are the best ways to run into guys without trying. That’s because living a well-balanced life tells others that you value yourself; this kind of self-respecting attitude is what will draw quality men out of the woodwork.
So if Mr. Mysteriously Unavailable flakes out on you, don’t take it personally. Staying on the right track and making the best for yourself will help you find someone who WON’T waste your time and energy!
If you’re ready to take the plunge and learn why men pull away – Click here to watch my free video presentation…
Why Men Pull Away…and What Makes Them STAY In Love (VIDEO)
really cool article
I have no doubt that the reasons given in the article are what some men think, some of the time, but one reason for a man to disappear, that was not considered in the article, has to do with a woman’s behavior. Men are not mind readers, nor are they any-where near as perceptive as women (according to other articles). If a woman does not give a man some pretty obvious signals that she is interested,fairly early in the relationship, he may get the idea that she is not interested and give up his chase before it has really begun. In her eyes, this may seem too forward, (i am not suggesting that she has to initiate sex right away) but a little encouragement would not be out of line.
Gr8t advice simple concise clearly written & i will be coming back for more!
Hello, I log on to your blog daily. Your humoristic style is awesome,
keep it up!
I’ve been with a guy 16 months…I am 71 he is 73 and we’ve both been married before…. I lost my husband in Sep 13 and there was nothing physical in our marriage for 5 years before that…Sooo when I met this guy (who is very attractive) and he made it very clear that he “wanted” me, I was in such a vulnerable place that we did get physical…We’ve been together at least 2 to 3 times per week since….but recently he’s been telling me that he “loves me” and that I am “his woman”. However when I sent a note after he asked what I wanted,, I responded “I want a permanent Godly marriage” to which he commented “I am seriously considering your proposal” but about 10 days later he said he “wasn’t ready to get married right now” that his “activities” kept him too busy…I still see him 2-3 times per week and the sex is amazing and I love him with all my heart….he keeps saying he’s “not going anywhere” that sex with me is “beyond amazing” and that he “loves me” BUT my thoughts keep wondering if he is just stringing me on while he talks to women online and/or elsewhere looking for his “perfect mate” I don’t know whether to believe him or not and it makes me a nervous wreck….Any suggestions appreciated
Actually Don, I’m not a mind reader either. That is the point I was trying to make. Imagine, If you couldn’t,t see a reaction no matter what because you couldn’t travel to see his reaction. Also to know that he generally doesn’t communicate by phone. Women also know that men are no at good at writing or emailing. I must have to figure it out for myself. I can assure you a bell doesn’t go off when you reach the correct answer. I can assure you I’ve
been around a long time I know all the possibilities to conclude.