By Mirabelle Summers
Author of Get A Great Guy Guide
If you want genuine men and not just any man, this will challenge your beliefs about love and attraction, and show you the way to become a seduction success story, check this out…
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How To Get Guys Interested In You
It’s so easy to forget that as much as we women want to find that perfect guy but at the same time feel hopelessly incompetent at attracting cute men, there are just as many guys out there who feel hopelessly incompetent at approaching a woman they’re attracted to and asking her out.
That’s why it is so important to make it as easy as possible to make dating and attraction easy. The first step is to be approachable!
Make it easy for guys to catch your eye, exchange smiles, and make small talk with you.
You’ll discover that what you once thought was a barren landscape without a single available guy has become a sea of men ready and willing to spend time with you.
But that’s not the focus of today’s post. Instead, what I want to talk about is a concept around attracting men called “Oneitis.”
Oneitis is a concept developed by the men’s seduction community to describe “an obsession with a girl whom one is not dating; pickup artists believe that such an extreme fixation on one woman significantly lowers a man’s chances of dating or sleeping with her” (The Game p.444).
That definition, by the way, comes from one of the most respected pickup artists in the world: Neil Strauss, New York Times bestselling author and journalist for Rolling Stones magazine.
His book The Game: Penetrating the Secret Society of Pickup Artists is the gold standard for information about the seduction community, its history, its lingo, and its key players.
The idea is that when a man is fixated on learning seduction techniques to attract one particular girl because he worships the ground she walks on, he will inevitably fail, because she will sense his desperation-tinged adoration.
There’s nothing less attractive than a man who acts like a puppy dog, following you everywhere and leaping to do whatever he thinks will please you.
Once a man realizes that he has “oneitis,” he can shake off his infatuation by focusing his efforts on dating other women.
Although he may kid himself at first that he is practicing flirting to hone his skills for “the One,” he often finds in the process that the other women he’s seeing have much to offer him.
He starts enjoying himself and feeling more comfortable interacting with women.
Soon, his preoccupation with “the One” is revealed for exactly what it is: an immature infatuation with a woman who in all likelihood isn’t the best match for him.
Although he still may enjoy her company, he won’t live or die based on her acceptance or rejection of him.
Strangely enough, this often triggers a turning point in their relationship: she will find him more interesting and attractive when his self-esteem is independent of her opinion of him.
Although this concept has been developed particularly for the male seduction community, it is interesting to consider whether it has any relevance to us women.
One of my readers commented that:
“You deserve someone who’s into you.”
Yeah, great idea – but what if he is the only man you are interested in? You just dump him and move on?
… I am not interested in just any guy.
If he’s just not that into you I would like to know what to do so that he is into me.
Chances are if he isn’t other guys aren’t into you either.
Being keenly interested in a man, to the point that you won’t even look at other men because you’re so certain that he’s the one for you, certainly sounds like oneitis.
But doesn’t labeling it as a “social disease” make a mockery of our very real feelings of attraction?
Whereas men might be able to say that the cure for being obsessed with one particular girl is sleeping with ten others, most women aren’t made that way.
We usually fall in love with one man at a time.
We have the right to be interested in one particular man and want to know how to make him feel the same way … don’t we?
I went to seduction expert James B to ask how oneitis might apply to women. His answer was simple.
“If you’re determined to get him, worrying night and day whether you’re going to lose him, and obsessing over him, HE’S NOT THE ONE!”
Having an extreme case of oneitis is in itself proof that any relationship based on such an unequal distribution of attraction will be fatally flawed.
If you like him a LOT more than he likes you, then you’ll have more invested in the relationship than he will.
You may find yourself changing yourself, giving up your own interests, and allowing him to control the relationship because you don’t want him to leave. That’s a recipe for disaster.
It’s healthy to start out a relationship with a neutral caution. Avoid giving into your feelings of infatuation, adoration, and love for the first few months.
Allow yourself to get to know him better. See what it feels like to actually be together.
Ask yourself at each stage how you feel in the relationship. Don’t allow your admiration of his personal qualities to override the more important question, which is how you both interact as a couple.
Easier said than done, I know. It’s so much fun to fall head over heels for a guy, especially if you think he’s the perfect man.
It’s so hard to step back from how wonderful HE is as a person to see how wonderful or not WE are as a couple.
But remember your goal in the first stages of dating: it’s to evaluate your relationship potential. It’s not to confess your undying love.
Leave that for once you’re already in an established relationship moving towards greater intimacy and commitment.
And that, I think, is the sound principle behind the concept of “Oneitis.” The purpose of dating isn’t to find the “perfect” man; it’s to find the perfect combination made up of two human beings in a relationship.
If you want additional advice on how to find a great guy and the skills to develop a great relationship, check out my video below:
Video: Get A Great Guy Guide
No games. No scripted lines. Real life dating advice for real women!
Hi! I like your articles but I just wonder why you never write about women who do not want to commit. I am not beautiful and I am old. Still, I have experienced many times in my life that I had to break up with a man I really liked because he wanted to move in, marry etc. We all know that the divorce rates are high and that in most cases it is the women who want a divorce. So, why not try for a change to help women who don’t want to commit to handle the situation with men who are great but want to marry!