Marriage can be tough and we’re all guilty of making mistakes after all it’s only human, but despite what we may see on our favorite television sitcoms the truth is that there really is no such thing as a perfect couple.
In fact, if you’re not having the occasional tiff with your spouse then there’s probably something wrong with your relationship.
Arguments can be quite healthy for any relationship letting out steam and telling your partner directly how their mistakes have bothered you is much more productive than bottling up your emotions.
That said, there are certain mistakes that once they’re made there’s no undoing them no matter how many times you say I’m sorry for these types of mistakes it won’t undo the damage that’s already been done.
The old saying goes “it’s easier to forgive than to forget” and unfortunately there are certain mistakes that can be deal-breakers.
Sometimes it’s one big mistake and other times it can be a series of smaller ones but if you and your spouse don’t work towards rectifying your mistakes as you grow together then your marriage will begin to suffer.
You may be wondering what some of the mistakes that could end your marriage are?
So, let’s talk about them but before we do, allow me to introduce myself properly. I’m Brad Browning and I’m a marriage coach and best-selling author of mend the marriage, a program designed to help you stop divorce and rebuild a happy, healthy marriage.
So now that you know a little bit about me, let’s get into the kinds of mistakes that can ruin your marriage.
Now, it’s important to know that the only way to avoid making the same mistake twice is to acknowledge that you made a mistake and understand why, what you did was wrong then never do it again.
Many of us commit the same mistake over and over again for reasons only we know but what we fail to see is that when we commit these mistakes we’re actually just hurting ourselves and our spouses.
So if you find yourself committing the following mistakes that I’m about to talk about take a step back and consider how your actions are possibly setting a negative tone in your marriage.
Now to get it out of the way, I’m going to start by acknowledging that cheating is clearly the big no-no of any marriage.
Yes, it’s an obvious one but the mistakes I’m about to talk about maybe more overlooked than you think.
So, let’s get started.
Mistake #1: Lying
Now when you say something like I’m only saying a white lie my spouse will never find out, you may think that statement is true but it’s not necessarily true.
There are circumstances in which you tell your spouse a white lie after you rationalize why it’s acceptable and get away with it often times, the truth will come out and when it does your spouse will feel deceived and believe that you’ve lied about other things throughout the marriage.
You create space for doubt essentially a powerful emotion that can cause your partner to have second thoughts about the marriage in general.
So how do you avoid this well practice honesty in your marriage even if it means telling your partner something that they may not want to hear.
Doing this is not only going to improve your marriage but it also means that your partner will in turn be more open and honest with you.
Mistake #2: Disrespect
It’s common for couples to get on each other’s nerves or bump heads but it’s key to never lose respect for one another, once the insults begin there is no going back so don’t.
Don’t throw the pass in your spouse’s face or take each other for granted if you’re in doubt about something.
Don’t go through each other’s personal belongings looking for answers, not only is that an invasion of privacy but if your spouse finds out they’re gonna have a hard time trusting you again so instead face your doubts and discuss your concerns with your spouse.
Respect each other’s space, opinions and beliefs. Marriage is based on a positive attitude where encouragement and respect are nurtured have always worked better.
As long as there’s respect, differences are going to be accepted out of respect.
Our partners will not cheat on us and out of respect they’ll help us if we let them know what’s going on.
Definitely one of the biggest mistakes in a marriage and one that’s often overlooked is when one partner tries desperately to control the other.
Let’s take a step back and look at the bigger picture here, in life we’re given opportunities and every now and then we come across a once-in-a-lifetime chance to better ourselves.
This may mean you might not be able to see your other half for a short period of time or mean might mean that your relationship isn’t number one in the priority list for a while.
But if your spouse can’t see the importance of these opportunities then this is not a good sign.
In a healthy relationship you should encourage each other to be the best that you can be and to strive towards both of your making, both of your dreams come true no matter the sacrifices.
Most times the main trait of a controlling partner is the need to try and change who you are.
Before you start thinking “but Brad I’m only trying to help them”
Let me explain it’s perfectly fine to encourage your partner to better themselves by suggesting that they get active or cutdown on the Pepsi but it’s another thing to demand that they dress a certain way or to try and change their fundamental beliefs or values.
You married your spouse for a reason so let them be who they are and let them do what they like, in return your spouse and your marriage is going to be much happier.
We all don’t know a couple that seemingly all smiles and agreements, they’re the kind of people that go to everything go to everything together. They like the same foods, they take the same cooking classes and they watch the same TV shows basically they’re as happy as a 1950’s TV family.
Why wasn’t I that lucky, you may wonder to yourself but take a step back because things are not always as they appear to be.
In a marriage, it’s a mistake to expect your partner to like the same things as you do every minute of every day so what if they have a different opinion than you it’s a good thing.
Don’t push your spouse away or criticize their opinions just because they’re different from yours, words hurt and they can also be tough to forget.
It’s totally normal to have different interests and opinions in your spouse and if anything it actually keeps things exciting. To avoid conflict, it’s important to accept and embrace your spouse’s differences, not only does it make for a healthy relationship but it allows you to be you.
Just because you have a different interests or different opinions doesn’t mean they’re not that you and your spouse are not compatible and it is okay to change your mind on things.
We’ve all seen happened before where one of our friends disappears off the scene they stop turning up to events, their behavior changes and you realize they’re not the same person they once were.
Now some people laugh about it and say it’s a case of being whipped but this kind of behavior in married couples is a lot more serious in common than many of us want to believe.
See here’s the thing, just because you’re married doesn’t change the fact that we as humans are social beings.
Now, this isn’t to say that your spouse should could and should be hitting the bars every weekend but now a man a night out with old time buddies should not be interpreted as a sign of boredom or a reason for jealousy, sure their banter may include you know small complaints about married life but that’s healthy just think of it as a free and friendly therapy.
Your spouse’s friends are an outlet for them to express their feelings and share their stories and believe it or not, taking away these things from your spouse will only secretly eat away at them and in the long run it’ll actually hinder your marriage.
Besides do you really want to have to listen to your other half? You know ramble on about football or dissect the latest Justin Bieber album.
Last but certainly not least on the list is:
Expectations and responsibilities as a married couple
Don’t assume that one spouse is responsible for everything, both partners should share responsibilities in some instances one spouse handles things maybe a little more than the other but it’s up to the couple’s discretion and never the less expecting one spouse to do it all is very unreasonable I mean if that’s the case why be married at all you’re a team, remember?
Okay so that just about does it here but if you have any questions about these common marriage mistakes or would like some more advice on how to avoid conflict in your marriage please watch the full-length video presentation on my website: marriageguy.com that’s www.marriageguy.com/coaching.nu
And as always, I really appreciate those of you that take the time to like my videos and share your feedback in the comments section below I always do my absolute best to respond so if you do have a question please post it in the comments below and I’ll do my best to get back to you thanks very much for watching
I’ll see you next time. Good luck to you!