I get a lot of guys writing in with the same question over and over again. There’s a particular girl they like, and as much as they’re trying to follow the principles in my courses they just can’t seem to shake their feelings for this girl.
I’m brutal when it comes to cases of “oneitis.” There’s a reason it’s considered a disease, and that’s because it contaminates your entire life and makes you off-putting to women.
If you’re into a girl and she’s into you right back, then go for it. But if you’re into a girl and she’s playing games with you, then set your boundaries immediately and don’t budge.
NO girl is worth your self-respect.
Today, I’m going to share with you two reader questions from guys who have the best of intentions when it comes to attracting girls. Both of these guys have their hearts set on one girl … and both of them need a pretty severe wakeup call.
If you’re going to get better with women, you have to get better with WOMEN. Not “a woman.” WOMEN. Plural. More than one.
Got it?
If not – or if you need reminding – then read on.
QUESTION #1:
“Slade, I have been looking over and studying your course and I believe what your saying has helped me believe a deeper understanding with woman and what makes them tick. What your saying must be without a doubt be psychologically correct.
“However i find that when it comes to real life situations i tend to find it hard to really apply this principles due to the overwhelming emotions that i have at that moment in time. I know you say always be in control and live in the moment but it can be incredibly difficult to when in the situation your still feeling how you used to feel. It is all very well and good talking about it but it’s much harder when it comes down to actually having these strategies as your constant mindset.
“I am talking in particular about ‘the dreaded one syndrome’ i want to use your material to make myself more attractive to her but i end up just letting her suck me again to an extent. I know she is not the only fish in the sea but as i care for her i would obviously want her to see me in the best possible way.
“It’s not that i don’t know what to do, it is just how i feel that makes me act a certain way and i was wondering if there was any light you could shed on this matter.”
MY RESPONSE:
Hey, EVERYTHING is easier in theory than it is in practice. That’s why you can’t get to where you want to be by “reading” and “thinking” about things. Reading is great if you want to sound like you know it all, but the true pros know that UNDERSTANDING something is one thing … and actually LIVING it is something else.
Stop being a victim and complaining that it’s all too difficult. EVERYONE finds this stuff difficult at first. But the guys who stick with it – who keep studying, who keep practicing, who keep repeating the affirmations over and over again – find out that after a certain point it just clicks. It makes total sense. They can’t believe they ever thought differently.
You’re not going to get the prize by making a half-hearted attempt at living it. If you want the kind of success that other guys have, you have to COMMIT to it. And I don’t mean commit to THINKING about it. I mean commit to LIVING it.
What gets me is the fact that you clearly know that your case of “oneitis” is turning women off – let’s not beat around the bush here – but you still think that you can somehow be the “special case” who gets the girl.
Start caring more for yourself than for some girl who doesn’t give a crap about you. If you had one iota of self-respect, you wouldn’t let ANY girl take advantage of you. If you were a man rather than a boy, you wouldn’t care whether any particular girl liked you or not. Look, YOU’RE the important one here, not her. Start building up your self-respect.
Attraction is about much more than one person. It is about building status with everyone you meet so that ANYONE who meets you can see how well respected and what projected value you have as a person.
RESIST the temptation to push all your efforts onto one person. If you do this, you will fail. You’re not the exception to the rule.
If you want a particular person to see you in the best way possible, then make sure EVERYONE sees you in the best way possible. Have social status with a number of different people. Be attractive to ALL women, not just some.
Every person you meet and are able to strike up a conversation with does two things: It helps you build your skills, and it gives you social status.
And the last thing I can tell you is NEVER to let your perception of success or failure all hinge on one person. Creating a killer impression is a multi-faceted approach. Share the love.
QUESTION #2:
“Hi Slade I’ve just purchase your course yesterday and already I feel like a new person. I was just wondering if you could help me with this situation that I am in.
Well to start off, I’ve been dating this girl I met at a night club through a friend for 2 months now. Things just started of great and as time progress I’ve developed such strong feelings for her that I only wish she could feel the same for me.
I was wondering what ways or methods that you could recommend to me in order for her to fall in love with me or make her develop strong feeling for me as I do for her or even have this turn into a relationship?
I also like to add that during the 2 months that we have been dating, there has been quite a few up’s and down’s. She rarely expresses how she feels for me through words as much as I do. She’s always making me feel insecure by mentioning all the guys she talks to and all the guys that she wouldn’t mind dating and the guys that are also attracted to her as well. I have also been receiving warnings from a few close people that I know; telling me that, she’s is nothing but trouble.
While on the other hand, when I think of the things she has done for me and the way she treats me. I can only give her the benefit of the doubt. To make things worst she has not mentioned anything to any of her friends that we have been dating each other and a large majority of her friends are male. She hardly lets me know what she does and is very selective when returning my calls and messages.
Slade I just hate feeling this insecurities! What steps should I take to stop this?
I greatly appreciate any advice and help that you could offer me and would also like to thank you in advance for taking this time to listen and read what I have said. I could not think of anyone else to help me than you, and this is the reason why I purchase your product, knowing and believing that you could help me become a better person.”
MY RESPONSE:
Buddy, I have to be honest with you here. If you have been dating her for two months and she hasn’t even mentioned you to her friends, it sounds like she’s not as into the idea of a relationship as you are.
So the choice now is whether you make it about YOU or about HER. Do you think this is the best you can get? She tells you about guys she wouldn’t mind dating. She’s selective about returning your calls and messages. She hardly lets you know what she does. To be honest, she sounds like she’s playing every game in the book to hook you in, and she’s succeeded.
Do you really want a girl who treats you like that? Or has she just hooked you into wanting what you can’t have – just because you can’t have it?
Personally, I prefer girls who aren’t control freaks. Dating isn’t about making the other person insecure; it’s about having a great time with someone who feels great to be around. I have zero tolerance for game playing, and girls know it. They don’t even try it with me.
So if you are SERIOUS about applying the principles in the course to your dating life, then go back to the first page of the book and start reading again – from the start. Because obviously you didn’t get it the first time.
Seduction is about drawing MANY women to you, not about directing all of your attention to ONE girl. Ever heard of “oneitis?” Look it up.
If you hate feeling insecure, then it’s time for you to take a step back and see this “relationship” in a different light. Don’t be in a rush to fall in love, because she certainly isn’t. Have fun. Practice your skills. Keep your options open.
Heck, tell her about all the girls you’re attracted to and wouldn’t mind dating. Tell her that if she wouldn’t mind dating these other guys, maybe she should. If she is serious about you, she will stop playing games with you and start treating you with respect. If she can’t, then it’s sayonara.
You’ve got to learn to set boundaries with women. The instant you can see that a woman is deliberately making you insecure, then cut the relationship off – just like that. You don’t have time to waste with women who trash your self-esteem. There are a LOT of women out there who will make you feel good about yourself. Find them.
In the meantime, if you want the kind of unstoppableself confidence that PUAs and dating masters have,I urge you to check out:
And good luck.